


The Baby Prodject

by IHopeThisDoesntAffectMyFuture



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Consent, Dark Past, Drugs, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Dungeons & Dragons References, Explicit Consent, M/M, Marijuana, Masturbation, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, NSFW, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Suicide Attempt, References to Drugs, Slow Burn, Slut Shaming, Unsafe Sex, dnd, freshman portia, health class, junior nadia, portia and nadia side couple, safe sex, sex positivity, sophomore arsa, sophomore julian, under the influence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-10-12 15:40:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20566781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHopeThisDoesntAffectMyFuture/pseuds/IHopeThisDoesntAffectMyFuture
Summary: [ON HIATUS]Taking care of a mechanical baby is hard enough. But on top of that, having to work with your ex while taking care of said baby is just the miserable cherry on top.Please add comments. I'm an attention whore and I like interacting with my readers.Edit: I made a youtube video with some sneak peeks for my fic! Go check it out!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYIqfRN8DJE





	1. New Year, Old Faces

The first day of school was always a struggle for Julian. New teachers and old faces cluttered his view as he tried to survive summer withdrawal. Julian believed that this year would be like any other. After all, every year there was a new wave of freshmen with bulbous backpacks. And every year the stench of body odor and cheap coffee lingered in the halls of Arcana high. 

All classes up until 8th period seemed tolerable; Italian would prove to be a pain in the ass, especially since there were quite a few kids that Julian was not interested in dealing with. Nonetheless, it was nothing that Julian felt like he couldn’t deal with. 

Health, on the other hand, would prove to be a nuisance. 

As soon as Julian entered the room he was hit with a wave of something sweet, yet indescribable. There were walls with miscellaneous notes plastered to them. There was a very detailed drawing of a male figure near the teacher’s desk, but the anatomy looked quite stiff. The music that was playing in the background was soft and calming, setting a serine lighting for the stage. The light murmur of students in the room was refreshing compared to the loud banter that typically plagued classrooms before class started. Julian noticed a striped, yellow and black striped strip of tape in the center of the room, dividing the left and right sides of the room. Sat right on top of the tape near the front of the room was a wooden table with a black surface, home to 4 chairs. 

As he looked around, he began to notice more art pieces. 

On the wall is a monochrome, acrylic painting of three figures. The one on the left was a tall, demonic-looking man with an angular face. The figure on the right was a sobbing angel that seemed to be melting. In the center was a muscular man choking a bird. Behind the figures was a blazing fire, and towards the bottom right of the painting, in all lowercase, was written “nevermore…”. The most haunting thing about the painting was that none of the figures had faces.

The song changed from a soothing melody to “To Love Somebody” covered by The Revivalists. The singer’s voice was breathtaking in every sense of the word and his range was unimaginable. There was a moment in the song where there was a quarter measure of silence, right before jumping back into the upbeat rhythm. The astonishing and unexpected silence followed by a crescendo of instruments and voice seemed to light a fire in Julian’s soul.

Julian then peered into an open closet and noticed that names and years had been scrawled all over the back of the door. The first date went back to September 1st, 1989, written by Veronica Sawyer. It was like a little mark of history, a time capsule that could connect the past, present, and future health classes together.

One of the things written on the door was “Pussy Slayer”. 

Julian rolled his eyes but chuckled a little bit. He felt like if you have a chance to leave your mark, you should make sure that your mark makes a difference. And Julian was positive that “Pussy Slayer” would not make a difference or a great impact in the grand scheme of things.

Julian scanned the room for familiar faces. He vaguely recognized a few students that he wasn’t too familiar with. His eyes then drifted towards the other side of the room where he made eye contact with a very familiar white-haired boy.

Asra Alnazar. 

Asra held Julian’s gaze with an unreadable expression as Julian stared harshly back. It was as if there was a staring contest between the two males, neither willing to back down and look away.

Right as the bell rang, Julian’s sister ran right through the door.

Portia was a freshman. A cute girl She was a little chubby and had gorgeous, ginger, frizzy, curly hair that was held up in a high ponytail and had an orange and red striped cloth headband on her head. Her face was home to a constellation of freckles on a backdrop of pale cream skin and she had a slightly upturned nose. Her cheeks were always rosy and her full lips were never seen without a smile. She was clad in a white, long, puffy-sleeved, off the shoulder top that had golden leaves embroidered on the collar and the end of her sleeves. She was wearing acid-washed jeans and a belt that had a few leather pouches for holding things like her chapstick and miscellaneous nicknacks. She also had an orange-yellow fabric piece wrapped around her waist. Her fashion sense was unique, but it made her happy and that's all that mattered to Julian. 

She waved at Julian and sat down at the empty desk next to him. 

Julian smiled at her and ruffled her hair. She giggled and plopped her bag down on the floor.

Before Julian could even begin to chat with his sister, the teacher began to speak.

“Hey you guys. So before I start, I’m just gonna let you all know that condoms, dental dams, and lube are in the basket near the door.” 

Numerous students looked towards the basket and others looked slightly uncomfortable.

After the class got over the fact that the teacher was supplying free condoms, the teacher began to introduce himself to the class. His name was Mr. Perlman. He seemed really cool. He was relaxed, encouraged students to speak their minds, and strongly disagreed with the way that most teachers lead their classes.

Based on the teacher’s introduction to the class, Julian knew that he would be fond of Mr. Perlman. He still wasn't thrilled about Asra's presence in the class, and the things he heard about the class, but at least the teacher seemed okay.

The main thing that Julian was apprehensive about was the dreaded baby project. 

The baby project waws an assignment where two students were paired together for three days to take care of a little mechanical terror in the form of an infant. It is the job of the two “parents” to take care of the “child”.

This would seem like a harmless, fun, cute project; getting to take care of an adorable looking robot baby. However, this project was no fun and games. For the mechanical child was the reincarnation of Satan. It screams and cries and wakes you up at night. You must comfort your baby and take care of it’s every need, wait on its hand and foot.

Julian was not excited about the project, that was for sure.

“Now,” 

The teacher flipped through the papers in his hands and then looked back up at the class.

“As you all know, in the middle of the school year you will be taking care of babies”

There were numerous groans scattered from across the room.

“Today I will be assigning your partners. I’m doing this so that you guys get to know each other. When raising a child with another person, there must be a strong connection between the two parents. You will be working collaboratively to take care of a child and I will be choosing your partners that you will be working with. 

Julian held his breath, praying that he would be partnered with someone tolerable and who would actually do their work. 

“Portia and Nadia, please raise your hands.”

The girl known as Nadia was sitting next to Asra. Her hair was gorgeous, a midnight magenta starting at her roots and obeying to a dark lavender at the tips. It had volume and was long enough to fall to her waist. She was wearing a revealing top, a backless, cropped, light purple top that had a singular strap around the neck to hold the top up. Nadia’s short, black skirt was riding up her thighs, a golden chain dangling from her waist. She had a myriad of piercings that ran up and down her cartilage, her jewelry including gold hoop earrings along with a necklace that was home to a small, green opal. Nadia’s winged eyeliner was long and her eyelids were coated with a shimmery purplish pink, perfectly matching with her eyes which were also a purple-pink, colored by contact lenses. Her lipstick was a deep plum color with a golden glossy sheen. 

Nadia waved to Portia, who’s face flushed a deeper color.

The teacher listed off a few more couples before he got to Julian’s name.

“Julian and Asra, raise your hands.”

Julian felt his chest tighten as his hand slowly made it’s way into the air. Of course, he was partnered with Asra. Out of all the students in his class, he had to be forced to work with the self-absorbed asshole. It was ironic and unexpected, but the unexpected was a constant for Julian, it was not unusual. 

As he made eye contact with Asra once more, Julian still couldn’t read his poker face. He had no idea what Asra was thinking, feeling, his opinion on the whole situation, all of it was veiled. 

“Okay, now go sit with your partners and get to know them. If you have any questions I’ll be by my desk.”

Julian sighed and stood up, stretching his limbs and yawning. He then made his way over to Asra, who was smiling politely as he approached him.

Julian knew that this would be a long year. 


	2. Bring Me Back

As Julian sat down, Arsa smiled. Julian returned the look with his own, forced grin, placing his hand’s down on the desk and interlocking his fingers together. 

“Long time no see Ilya. How have things been with you?”

“Fine.”

There was a long pause, heavy quiet lingering in the air before Asra sighed. 

“I’m just trying to be polite, you know. This project doesn’t have to be more miserable then it’s already going to be.”

Julian crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, polite. After everything that happened.”

It was now Asra’s turn to roll his eyes. 

The pair sat, smothered in tense silence as they looked down at their laps, waiting for the bell.

Julian wasn't over Arsa. 

It had been a year. He should be over him by now. 

He wanted to be held by the boy before him, to have his cheek caressed and his nose kissed. He wanted to nuzzle into his chest as he wrapped his arms around Asra’s neck. Julian wanted to squish the smaller male’s cheeks and watch his nose scrunch as he sneezed. 

But that’s not all Julian wanted. 

He wanted Asra to fuck him while he was bent over a bathroom sink. He wanted his fingers prying open his thighs as Julian was gagged and blindfolded, his hands tied behind his back. He wanted to stroke Asra’s cock as Asra shamed him for being the needy little whore he was. He needed Asra to take control, to slap him, pull his hair, to touch him as no other could. Julian craved for Asra. In every sense of the word. 

The bell rang and Julian swiftly gathered his things, slinging his bag on his back and snatching his phone and slipping it into his back pocket. Julian didn’t even look back to say goodbye to Asra before he exited the room. 

Art class was fairly uneventful. Mrs. Dini went over the curriculum and touched upon what the first project would be. She was planning on having each student create a feather for a giant collaborative assignment. Together the collective classes would create a pair of wings using the colors, green, blue, and purple. Julian started his feather on the first day, cutting out a large feather from cardstock with an orange pair of scissors. 

Just as Julian took an indigo-colored pencil in between his fingers, the bell rang.

Students scurried to stack their stools on top of the tables and hastily filed out of the classroom. 

When Julian walked up the stairs and got on the first floor, he was hit with a sea of students that were rushing and shoving through the halls. The noise of kids trying to shout over each other in order to be heard was overwhelming. Julian waded his way through the murky waters of the waves of students, towering above the majority of them. 

Julian was very tall and had a large build, making it easier for him to maneuver through the crowd. It was also easy to spot him in a crowd. Julian didn’t exactly fit in. With his red hair and eye patch, typically costumed in dark, modern gothic attire. Sometimes he liked wearing a tad of gray, shimmery eyeshadow for a dramatic flair. His high cheekbones and defined jawline made him look more mature than your average fifteen year old and would consequently attract a lot of flirtatious attention from older people. 

Julian finally made his way onto bus 98 and slumped down in a seat towards the center that would become his typical seat for the rest of the year.

As the bus started to move, Julian pulled out his phone from his back pocket and opened his snapchat. Julian hated snapchat culture. He hated the streaks and how there would be people that would only use it to share ten-second videos of them vaping. He had a disdain for the obnoxious news stories that were always plaguing the front page.

Still, it wasn’t all bad if you ignored Buzzfeed and Cosmopolitan. He enjoyed the disappearing aspect of the texts, making it easier for messages to be confidential. He also enjoyed getting to post about his life, how things were going, what concerts he was going to, etc.

Julian checked other people’s stories, he saw some people posting pictures with their friends from the first day of school, some people complaining about how they had to return to their personal hell, and others posting miscellaneous memes.

He clicked on Lucio’s story.

Lucio was a grade-A asshole. He was known for being a bit of a heartbreaker and using people. Julian wasn’t such a huge fan of him, but they were still friends on snap. 

Lucio had posted a photo of an invite to a party that he was throwing at the end of his week at his place. It was an open invitation, meaning anyone and everyone was encouraged to come. 

Julian had never been to one of Lucio’s parties before. They were notoriously huge, crazy bangers, and more often than not exclusive. Julian rolled his eyes. He wasn’t planning on going. And even if he was, he figured it would be a miserable time. He wasn’t the party type, often sticking to himself and not liking to interact with others. 

The bus eventually stopped in front of his house and Julian hopped off along with his sister, who was sitting in the front with her friends. 

When Julian got inside the house he immediately fixed his sister some Oreos to snack on and then made his way to his room. 

Leaping face-first onto his bed and landing with his arms and legs spread out, Julian sighed. He then rolled over to stare at his ceiling which was littered with numerous band, movie, and tv show posters. His eyes lingered on his signed Gorillaz poster. Only 800 copies of the poster were printed and at the bottom of the page was signed by the artists and musicians behind the scenes of the band. In large, neon orange writing was the name of the band scrawled across the poster, and a greyish monkey was coming out of water. It was a poster that Julian had found at a record shop that had closed down four years ago. It was kind of sketchy but always had the greatest deals. The vast majority of Julian’s records came from that shop. And just as he finished looking at his ceiling, he rolled off his bed and made his way over to his record player. 

Julian grabbed his Florence And The Machines record and gently took the vinyl out of it’s slip and placed it on the record player, the A side up. He skipped a few songs until he got to the one he wanted. He took the needle and placed it on the record as it began spinning. A little sound of static popped right before the music began. 

The chords of a piano clashed. Then the drums joined. Then her voice. Florence’s voice was breathtaking. It spawned from deep within her chest, she summoned a beautiful creature from within her body to make these noises. It was inhuman the way that she could sing and always seemed to mesmerize Julian. 

Julian plopped back down on his bed and let his mind wander. He began to think about Asra. 

Thinking about Asra wasn’t out of the ordinary for Julian. Julian felt rage build up in his fists, wrists, feet, knees, and his lungs. But at the same time, he felt desire shoot through his spine, slithering down his back and making it's way down his legs and back up to his chest. 

Julian fumbled with the button on his black jeans, quickly moving his hands to undo his pants. He then slid his pants down to his ankles and began to palm himself through his boxers. The pressure against his dick caused the bulge in between his legs to grow. A soft, needy gasp crawled it’s way out of Julian’s lips, making it's way into his room. Julian took his thumb and began to rub the tip of his cock through his underwear, his heart racing as he did so. 

Julian couldn’t take it any longer, he took off his underwear and pants, flinging them on the floor. Julian then reached for a bottle of lube under his bed and with fumbling hands, poured a large dollop onto his fingers. Some got on his bedsheets, but Julian couldn’t have cared less. He wasn’t worried about the mess he was making. All he needed was friction. 

Julian’s mind went back to freshman year, the only time that he and Asra had ever done anything sexual together. He remembered it vividly, the way that he shook as the pagan worked witchcraft on him, causing his body to feel like it was levitating. As Julian moved his hand up and down, he felt Asra’s fingers instead. Julian tried to mock what Asra did with his hands, using his fingertips to ghost over the soft, flushed underside of Julian’s cock, barely grazing it with his digits. 

After maddening minutes of teasing torture, Asra wrapped his hand around Julian’s cock and began moving his hand up and down in quick movements. Julian’s head was spinning as Asra’s fingers lightly squeezed while he worked. Whines began to escape Julian’s lips, but Asra just chuckled, his strokes becoming faster as Julian mewled in pleasure. 

Almost out of nowhere, Asra got on his knees, his hands spreading apart Julian’s thighs as Julian’s hands dug into the cushion of the bed, his toes digging into the carpeted floor. Asra brought his face to Julian’s cock, his lips grazing the shaft as his heavy breath enveloped the redhead's dick. Julian squirmed in his seat, but Asra held his hips in place to force the taller male to stay still. 

Julian’s entire face and chest were flushed red, and they turned a deeper shade when Asra licked an experimental stripe up his length. The warmth against his cock made Julian jump. He had never felt pleasure like this before. He shuddered as Asra wrapped his lips around his member and began to bob his head up and down, moaning as he did so. Asra’s beautiful brown eyes looked up at Julian, a glimmer of mischief held in his gaze. Julian was screaming, shaking, biting on his arm to try and stifle his noises. But his feeble attempts were in vain, for he couldn’t stop himself from being so vocal.

With a loud sigh and without verbal warning, Julian came, tears welling in his eyes, his entire body trembled with ecstasy. Fault lines made way for an earthquake, shivers down his spine. After he finished, he laid down, back against the bed. 

Julian hadn’t even realized that his eyes were closed until they fluttered open. He sat there, covered in his own come and shrouded in shame. Julian crawled closer to his pillows and then got under the covers, taking one of his pillows and hugging it tightly, spooning it and nuzzling into it. The redhead then felt his eyes begin to water, the stinging of the tears and the nostalgia of Asra causing him to cover his face. 

Asra and Julian were so in love, but that was a thing of the past. 


	3. The Start Of The Breakdown

Julian had a deeply seeded contempt for the loose desk that he was seated at, the creaking it made every time he wrote distracting him. He was seated in his geometry class, staring at the board in complete and utter confusion. Geometry was supposed to be easy, but this was anything but. Julian wanted nothing to do with the Pythagorean theorem, not knowing where to even start. Even though the redhaired boy was interested in science, something that needed math, he was absolutely horrendous at math. Solving equations was not his forte.

Julian’s legs were crossed underneath the table and the eraser tip of his pencil was pressed between his teeth. Julian watched his teacher write on the smartboard with half-lidded eyes, not even pretending to take notes. It was only the first week of school, but Julian was already so done with school. 

“Muriel, can you please come up and demonstrate problem number eleven on the board?”

A tall boy, taller and bigger than Julian, shuffled up to the front of the class. His head was held down low and his face was shrouded by messy, black, shoulder-length hair and the hood of his sweatshirt. 

The boy known as Muriel jerked his head to the side to get his hair out of his face, revealing dark circles under his forest-green eyes and stubble on his chin. Around his neck was a spiked collar and a chain necklace. He had on baggy, grey jeans and beat up, black, high top converse. 

Julian observed the giant boy bring a shaky hand up to the board as he began to solve the problem. Muriel’s handwriting was atrocious, but he sure did know a thing or two about how to work with numbers. His hand swiftly moved across the board, scrawling numbers and letters. 

After 30 seconds, Muriel placed the smart board pen down and moved back to his seat. Mr. Yee, Julian’s math teacher, made his way to the board to view the work that Muriel had done. 

“Very good Muriel.”

He turned to face the board and clicked a button on the bottom left-hand corner to bring up another slide. The slide showed what homework would be assigned for the night. It was a few problems on a worksheet that would be emailed out to all of the kids in the class.

The bell rang right after the class went over what the homework would be and all of the students rushed to collect their belongings, shoving them in their backpacks. 

After math was science, which seemed to flow quickly. And after science was health class. 

Julian walked over to his usual seat and plopped his bag on the floor next to him. After a few minutes went by, Mr. Pearlman walked up to his smartboard and pulled up a screen. On the top was a single word in bold, red, Verdana font.

“Stress”.

“So,” Mr. Pearlman started, rubbing his ginger beard as he spoke. “Define stress for me.”

Some kids raised their hands and gave definitions, all very literal. But when Nadia raised her hand, her answer was much more abstract. 

“Stress is the snake that constricts you in the confines of your solitary walls. Stress isn’t the cause of not being able to talk to people; it’s the cause of forgetting how. Stress is being called a whore, tramp, distraction, by those who mean the most to you. But you know that you’re not those things. Or are you?”

The class fell into silence, her words lingering in the air, the atmosphere thick like honey. Nadia didn’t shrivel or look away like most would when opening up like that. She sat up straight, holding herself boldly and with a gaze of stone. 

“Good one Nadia.” Mr. Pearlman gave her a thumb up and tapped the screen, revealing more text. Mr. Pearlman read the words on the board. 

“The feeling in your chest that chokes your throat and blocks your words. That feeling is stress. This has given birth to a crisis. One that makes suicide the second most leading cause of death in adolescents. You see, teenagers are good at repressing their emotions until they’re not.”

Mr. Pearlman tapped the screen again.

“How many of you have anxiety when speaking in front of a class?”

Almost every single student raised their hand except for a select few, including Nadia.

“That’s something I struggled with when I was your age. Something I still struggle with actually. When I would read things in front of my class, I would always get stuck on the words ‘of’ and ‘the’. And there would always be this one smartass in the room that would be like ‘the word’s ‘the’.’ and I would be like ‘Ima beat the shit out of you’.”

This story made some people chuckle. It was hard to imagine Mr. Pearlman, the most chill teacher that Julian knew, being a violent person. The tone of voice that the teacher told this story in was one that a comedian would use when telling a story. Health class was always full of philosophical conversations, thought-provoking sentences, and sarcastic remarks that would earn laughs from the kids in the room.

“From the generations of kids saying ‘ I don’t care what you think’, there is a lot of fear of judgment, whether you fear being judged by everyone or a small handful of people, everybody cares about their reputation.”

The teacher tapped the screen again, revealing a slide that said “stress → anger”. 

“You have been taught not to show emotion. That it makes you weak or that it makes you an attention whore. You are discouraged to talk about it, for the fear that somebody may judge you for it. Then on top of that, you have things like school, and friends, and family, and social media that add more weight to your shoulders every single day. Suppressing stress will lead to depression, anxiety, mental breakdowns, and anger. It is in your coding to be angry.”

Julian had never thought about his emotions like this before, his mind was sprinting around a track, his thoughts racing. Of course, he knew that there were everyday stressors, but he hadn’t realized how bad it was until Pearlman pointed out that there was a plug on a faucet and plugging that water flow would inevitably lead to a burst of the pipes. A tiny ounce of stress could be the start of a breakdown. 

“Your homework for tonight is to write a poem about your upbringing. About the things in your childhood that shaped who you are today. Tomorrow you can choose if you want to share them or not.” 

As soon as the bell rang, Julian flung his bag onto his back and hauled ass, running as fast as he could to his art class. The art room was all the way in the basement and the health room was on the third floor. Julian had to travel four floors in order to be on time to art, meaning he really had to boogie to make it in time.


	4. Foreplay - Tenderness + Humiliation = Asra's Version Of A Good Time

“You can’t go to this party, Portia.”

Portia scoffed and ran a hand through her ginger hair. 

“You can’t stop me from going!”

Julian stood up from the couch and walked over to his sister, towering over the short girl.

“Yes. I can. Lucio is not the kind of person that you want to be associated with. His bangers are not like elementary birthday parties either. They are intense. Everyone’s on something, and there’s at least one girl getting date raped. I don't need that girl to be you. You have no idea how many seniors will try to take advantage of you. I don’t want to see anything happen to you.”

“Look, you’ve never even been to a party, and that’s pathetic. I’m in high school! I gotta live a little and so do you, Ilyushka. I’m not gonna be a shut-in like you are, I’m gonna go out and have some fun _ while _ being careful.”

Julian sighed. He didn’t want Portia to go to this party, but he knew to an extent that she was right.

“Fine. But I’m coming with and staying in the same room with you the entire time.”

Portia was about to argue but her brother cut her off.

“I’m only going to keep you safe. These parties are notoriously insane. I don't want someone slipping something into your drink.”

Portia sighed and crossed her arms.

“Okay, whatever. Just don't embarrass me.”

Julian smiled and walked over to his sister, ruffling her hair, a sarcastic tone of voice weaved into his words.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Julian sighed, looking at himself in the mirror, analyzing his costume of choice. He chose a pair of black skinny jeans, as well as an Arctic Monkeys band t-shirt and a black Doc Martin boots. 

Julian sighed. He wasn’t going to this party to impress anyone, so he didn’t understand why he was so focused on his looks. Despite this, he decided to add a leather jacket with a red lining to his attire. 

Julian left his room, grabbed his phone and keys, and made his way outside. Making sure to lock the door on his way out. Portia was waiting for him on the steps, her outfit consisting of a white, off the shoulder blouse with a lace-up back and a pair of acid-washed mom jeans. She was also wearing vintage, white heels with lace detail. Her neck was home to a dainty, silver locket with a picture of her cat inside. 

“You ready?”

Julian swallowed and nodded. It should have been him asking her that question, he shouldn’t have been this nervous. After all, he was going for Portia. It’s not like he would be forced to talk to anyone or actually get up and dance.

“Yeah.”

The pair hopped into Julian’s car, buckling in before blasting “Wait A Minute” by Willow Smith and rocking out to all of the lyrics on their way to Lucio’s house.

Julian’s car was technically his mother’s car, and he technically was not legally allowed to drive, he didn't even have his permit since he wasn’t 16. But because his parents were always on business trips, Julian had to learn how to take care of him and his sister. That included earning how to drive. 

The two siblings sang, or more so screamed along to every lyric. Portia was dancing in her seat as Julian dramatically lip-synched to the words that were blasting out of the car speakers. 

It seemed as if time had flashed within seconds, Julian was already driving into the gated residential and pulling into a spot near the party, which was a rarity to find a good spot when there were big parties. 

Lucio’s house was enormous, a stone brick mansion that looked like it would be home to a famous person. There was a grand walkway leading up to the cream-colored door, and cherry blossom trees all over the yard. Julian imagined that the property would look absolutely gorgeous in the spring. 

Julian and Portia got out of the car and Portia was jumping up and down, giddy with excitement. Julian looked down at her, it was nice to see her so happy and excited, especially since middle school was so hard for her. 

Julian and Portia walked up to the door. Julian rang the doorbell. Portia tried to stay calm. 

Lucio answered the door, a red solo cup in his hand. 

“Welcome welcome!”

A wide grin plastered onto his face. 

“Come on in, drinks are in the kitchen, bathrooms are on the right and upstairs, the bedrooms are upstairs, ping pong table and Xbox are in the basement, and there’s a pool outside. Enjoy yourself!”

Portia thanked him for his hospitality and eagerly entered the home. Julian nodded at Lucio and followed his sister.

As soon as he entered the house, he was hit with a wave of trashy pop and modern rap music. The house, despite being huge, was packed. Stuffed to the brim with people Julian vaguely recognized and people he had never seen before. Nearly everyone had a cup with something alcoholic in it, and in the large living room, people were dancing. 

Portia went up to Nadia who was lying against a wall, seemingly unimpressed with the party. But as soon as she saw Portia her eyes lit up. 

Nadia looked stunning, her outfit vivacious. She was wearing a little black dress with dainty, golden chains resting on her hips. She had on a necklace with a raw amethyst crystal wrapped in wire. She had on purple pumps as well as a myriad of piercings in her ears. Her hair was put up into space buns and her makeup was classy yet colorful. 

Julian grabbed a drink of red wine and then made his way back to the room that Portia was in, sitting down on a brown, velvet couch on the other side of the room. He plopped himself down on the sofa and scooted away from the two girls that were making out on the other side of the couch. 

Julian then brought his eyes back to Portia. 

She was laughing.

It warmed Julian’s heart to see that Portia made a friend. She used to have a really hard time making friends despite being an extrovert. She often ate lunch alone in the library or in the bathroom. Seeing Portia talking to new people was a nice change that Julian could get used to. 

Julian kept making trips to the kitchen until he couldn’t even count how many drinks he had. 

Julian sat down on the couch once more and his eyes wandered to the dance floor. The drunken teens that were dancing like toddlers that just learned how to walk were humorous to Julian. He took a sip of his wine while observing the dancing teens. There was one thing that almost immediately caught his eye.

Asra.

Asra was one of the only people in the crowd that was _ actually _ dancing. 

He sure as hell could move.

His eyes were closed, hands trailing down his body as his hips swayed. Asra was wearing a pair of black, high waisted, booty shorts that didn’t leave much up to the imagination, along with a David Bowe t-shirt that was tied with a thot knot in the front. He had on a thick black belt and a silver chain dangling from it. Asra’s toned calves were accentuated by black, ripped fishnet tights that clung to his legs that moved to the beat of the bass.

_ Damn _ was the only word that crossed Julian’s mind. He didn’t know if he had the self-restraint to keep his hands to himself. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Asra noticed Julian gawking at him. It made him smirk, made him feel more confident.

Julian’s face flushed when he saw Asra turn to him, continuing to dance with sexual connotations. 

Asra was focused on the music; indulging himself in the music pumped through his veins and rippled out through his feet. He felt truly free in this state. Dancing caused Asra to feel like he was a part of the crowd, melting into the sea of people. He was simply a background character of an overarching story, and Asra was living for it.

And he was living for the attention that Julian was giving him.

Asra made his way over to Julian, holding a hand out for him to grab. Maybe it was the alcohol in his system. Or maybe it was the fact that he was so incredibly turned on. But something in Julian got the adrenaline running, making him clutch Asra’s hand. Asra pulled the ginger off of the couch and onto his feet, leading him into the crowd of dancers. 

Julian’s face turned a brighter shade of red when Asra pushed his body against Julian’s. The taller male’s hands were hovering, he had no idea where to place them or how to move with the boy before him. 

He was paralyzed.

Asra chuckled and took Julian’s shaking hands, placing them both on his ass. Julian swallowed hard. He was unable to look the white-haired male in the eyes. But Asra wasn’t about to let Julian’s awkwardness ruin his plans. 

Julian was paralyzed, unsure of how to proceed. Of course, he wanted to dance with Asra, but he didn’t know how to go about it. This was his ex, and he would hate to have one drunken night ruin what little dignity he had left. He didn’t want to be crawling back to Asra. Though he always thought of calling after he had a few drinks, he never had the balls to. Still, Julian couldn't help but admire Asra in this state. And finally, after questioning his morals for a good three minutes, he began to awkwardly move with Asra. And just as he began to do so, Beyonce’s “Partition” began to play.

It started out innocently enough, with Arsa’s arms wrapped around Julian’s neck as he dramatically sang along with Beyonce. But after a few more verses things began to escalate quickly. Asra dropped to the ground, he got lower and lower, hips swaying slower and slower. Asra seemed to be in his element, with the music blasting. This clearly was not his first rodeo. This clearly was not his first party. 

Asra moved side to side as his eyes stared up at him. His hands moved down to roughly grip Julian’s ass, roughly pulled him close while he did so. Their bodies pressed together, with no space between them. 

The air was heated by the bodies of teens, some dancing, some talking, some drinking. Some obnoxiously loud, some keeping to themselves. There was an odd scent of sweat and liquor in the air as the constant hum of pop music from the early 2000s and teenage gossip filled the air.

There were no words spoken, but there was a common understanding between the pair that they both needed this, desperately. Their pent up emotions finally finding an outlet, hormones causing Asra to grind onto Julian’s waist and for Julian to pull Asra closer. From the way the pair were going, it looked like they were going to start fucking right then and there, with a room full of people to spectate.

Asra began to gyrate his hips against Julian’s, causing Julian to tremble.

“Awe look at you,” Asra had to grab Julian by the collar of his shirt on order for the shorter male to get his message across his ex, Asra’s lips right against the shell of Julian’s ear. “I've barely even touched you and you’ve already begun to shake. I can't wait to make you sing for me.”

Asra moved his hands up Julian’s shirt, softly tracing circles into his flesh as it caused the taller boy to let out a sigh.

“You’re a dirty little slut, aren't you? Touching me like this in public? You must really want me.”

Julian could barely tear his eyes away from Asra. Before he could plead for some kind, any kind of touch from the shorter male, Asra placed a finger on his lips to shut him up.

“But not yet.” His voice was barely a hum. “A little public humiliation won't hurt.”

And with that, Asra crept one of his hands down to Julian’s crotch, giving his dick a little squeeze as Julian’s eyes screwed shut. Asra’s hand palmed through the fabric of the jeans that were becoming way too tight for Julian to bear. As his blood began to boil, the redhead moved his hands up to Asra’s hair, tugging at the smaller male’s silky strands for some sort of stability. The scent of sweaty teens and booze infected the room. But Julian didn't notice any of that. What he could smell was Asra. The scent of sage that always seemed to linger on his skin, the remnants of lavender candles that Asra’s father kept all over their shop, the sweet and sour citrus smell of Asra’s face cream, all of it overwhelmed Julian as he breathed in his lover for the night, eating up his presence and absorbing his touch.

Asra’s lips made their way to Julian’s collar bone as he began to nibble at the soft skin. Julian was trying so hard not to moan, he didn’t want to draw any attention to himself. But Asra was not making it easy for Julian to keep quiet, the shorter male thumbing at his erection through his jeans.

As he bit Julian’s neck, Asra began to unbutton the taller male’s pants. Julian gasped, nervously looking around the room at the people surrounding him. Only a few people seemed to notice. As Asra’s hand began to play with the hem of Julian’s boxers, the taller man gasped and his hips bucked at the sudden sensation.

Asra crept his fingers underneath Julian’s underwear and down to his cock. Julian was already slick with precome. Julian was already starving with desire. Julian was already a mumbling mess. More people beginning to stare at the two boys.

“A-Asra please,” It was getting hard for Julian to hold himself up, his entire face flushed, his chest warm with embarrassment. Somehow the humiliation turned him on even more. But he was not willing to let Asra fuck him in a room full of semi-strangers. “Can we please go up-upstairs?”

Asra pulled away from Julian’s neck and nodded, a smirk plastered on his soft lips. With one last grope, the shorter male took his hand out of Julian’s pants. The wine in Julian’s veins was something he would regret in the morning, but he was too horny and drunk to care about it too much.


	5. Ask First

The two boys stumbled up the staircase, kicking off their shoes along the way. Because of the alcohol distorting Julian’s vision, stairs seemed to be zigzagging every which way.

Finally, when they got to the top of the stairs, Asra took Julian by the hand and lead him to one of the bedrooms.

The room was huge, with cream-colored walls and a queen-sized bed. On top of the bed laid a silk quilt and four, fluffy, blue pillows. The side table held a modern looking lamp and a few books, none of which Julian recognized the titles of. On the ceiling were little glow in the dark stars and planets. The walls were lined with a mural of an ocean and there were photos of Lucio everywhere. 

If Julian wasn’t about to get fucked he would have paid more attention to detail.

Asra slammed and locked the door behind him as Julian awkwardly waited near the bed, unsure of where to even start.

Asra then made his way to Julian, pushing him onto the bed and straddling him.

“Are you ready?”

Julian nodded; appreciating the question beforehand. 

After he got consent, the smaller boy then took helped Julian out of his shirt and tore off his own. Asra had a nice figure, a tiny waist, and a sizable ass. His chest and arms were nicely toned and his entire body looked like it was chiseled by the ancient greeks. 

Asra’s hands quickly maneuvered to pin Julian by the shoulders. Julian’s entire body was flushed red, his eyes were dilated, wide with shock and anticipation. Asra slid Julian’s already unbuttoned pants and underwear, discarding them on the wooden floor. He then pressed his lips against Julian’s tender flesh, placing sharp kisses and bite marks all over his chest, shoulders, and neck.

“Aaah-”

Julian quickly covered his mouth with his hand. He was mortified from the sound that escaped his lips. 

Asra chuckled against his skin, smiling as he placed more kisses.

“Wow Iyla, you’re really sensitive today aren’t you?”

He trailed his kisses down to Julian’s nipples. When Asra’s lips brushed up against Julian’s perked nipples, he shrieked, his hands gripping onto Asra’s hair. Asra smirked, growing hard from the vocal nature of the boy underneath him. He began to suck on Julian, driving the taller male insane. His tongue licked circles around the nipple and lapped at the bud. Julian’s whimpers were absolutely adorable. Most people would assume that such a big guy would be incapable of making these noises, but Asra knew Julian better than that.

After Asra was done torturing Julian with nipple play, he reached towards the side drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom. Julian’s eyes widened, even more, when he saw Asra undo his pants and take out his cock. He watched with a greedy gaze as Asra rolled on the condom and hastily covered his length in lube. Julian’s own dick was quivering, begging to be touched.

“Be patient, oh my gods your needy.”

Julian rolled his eyes, scoffing.

“Don't bring up your fake witchcraft bullshit when I’m exposed. It’s a major turn off.”

Asra sneered, grabbing Julian’s hips and hoisting them up right before he slammed into the poor boy. Julian let out a sob, bis mouth opening and his eyes crossing ever so slightly. 

“I don’t think you’re in any position to talk back to me,  _ pumpkin _ .”

Asra used Julian’s old pet name against him. Reclaiming the phrase as an insult. It hit Julian hard, but he wasn’t going to back down.

“What are you gonna do, put a hex on me- Ah! F-fuck…”

Asra laughed as he licked his lips, he brought a hand up to Julian’s throat and gripped tightly. Julian gasped for air, attempting to breathe. Just as he began to see stars, Asra loosened his grip to let the ginger take a breath. 

However, he didn’t stop with the constant movement of his cock inside of Julian. Every thrust made him weep, tremble, tear up. Julian’s dick was slick with precome and his tongue was lolling out of his mouth ever so slightly.

Eventually, Asra shoved his entire cock inside of Julian. Julian couldn’t even make a noise, a silent squeak came from his mouth as his nails with chipped black nail polish dug into Asra’s back. Asra hissed as Julian clawed at his back, but thoroughly enjoyed the scratching. Julian was vibrating, he had to wrap his legs around Asra’s back to stabilize himself, even though his attempts were feeble. Julian knew this was bad. He knew what he was getting himself into. But in the moment he didn’t care. He knew they had to stop this, but he just couldn't. And he knew that Asra needed it too.

Asra grunted as he moved faster, the tip of his cock pounding Julian’s prostate. Julian was burning up from the inside. It felt as if Asra was digging for ore, he felt it welling up in his chest.

“You dirty little whore, you’re loving this, aren't you?”

Julian nodded the best that he could. He craved to be degraded. And as Asra continued to roughly fuck him, Julian wailed. He was overwhelmed. His cock was painfully hard and he felt as if he was about to explode.

“A-Asra, I- Ah... I have to co-”

“No.”

Asra’s voice was cold and commanding. He took the hand that was around Julian’s throat and moved it to the base of his cock to prevent the taller male from orgasming. 

“Such a slut, how dare you think you can come before me.” 

Asra pulled all the way out of Julian, making him whimper with neediness. 

“Awe,” Asra cooed as Julian whined. “Look at you, a desperate mess; craving to have me inside of you. Is that what you need? Do you need me you cock hungry bitch?”

Julian vigorously nodded, trying to bring Asra closer to him. 

“Say it. Tell me how much you need me.”

Julian’s lower lip began to quiver. He tried to beckon his voice, but he could summon no voice. 

“Come on,” Asra was just taunting him at this point. “How do you want me?”

That was a question that Julian didn’t know how to answer. He wanted so many things from Asra that he didn’t even know where to start. 

Finally, after being in an unwanted spotlight of Asra’s sadistic gaze, Julian’s speech abilities returned. 

“I ne- ne-need you to fuck-k me.”

“Good boy.”

Asra then slammed his entire cock into Julian. Julian’s head jerked back and clenched around Asra’s member. He screamed, shaking the walls and piercing the night. Asra continued to thrust in and out of Julian’s puckered hole. The smaller male’s grip nailed Julian into the mattress as he moved his length in and out, shoving himself into the ginger. 

“Hah… Asra- oh my god!”

Asra scoffed, tightening his grip on Julian’s throat, causing him to choke. 

“Says the atheist.”

Julian would have replied with a sarcastic remark if he wasn’t falling apart as his ex was on top of him, pegging him mercilessly. More desperate, airy moans clawed their way out of his throat as his back arched off the bed.

His voice was eventually brought high pitched shrieks, a short squeak coming from his lungs with every thrust, signaling that he could not hold on any longer. Asra felt his body start to shake, the muscles in his body tightening. With a sigh, Asra came. He simultaneously let go of Julian to let him release as well. Julian’s entire body clenched until he was done, squeezing around Asra’s cock, his nails gripping into Asra’s back and his legs tightening around Asra’s waist.

Asra collapsed next to Julian and Julian turned to face Asra. 

Julian was giddy with post-orgasm bliss, smiling and wrapping his limbs around Asra’s body.

“Kiss me.”

Asra visibly looked uncomfortable by Julian’s request. He rolled onto his side to look at the redheaded boy. 

“That’s a little more intimate than I think we should get.”

Julian’s gaze turned downwards and he frowned. He knew that in a way Asra was right, however, he longed for Asra’s lips against his own.

Asra and Julian laid in silence until The white-haired boy spoke. 

“What that your first time?”

Julian blushed, unable to look Asra in the eyes. 

“Yeah.”

Asra almost looked guilty before his face returned to a blank slate. 

Julian adjusted his eyepatch and nuzzled into Asra’s chest and closed his eyes. Before he knew it, it was the next day and the sun streamed through the window, hitting Julian’s eyes and waking him with blinding light. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, then turned to face Asra.

But Asra was already gone.


	6. Every Action Has An Equal Opposite Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was just a filler episode, sorry if it was boring

Julian groggily made his way downstairs, covering his mouth as he yawned. His head was throbbing and his eyes felt like they were going to fall out of his head. His ass hurt from the events that took place last night. He was hungover and in pain and needed to get home and plop down on his bed.

When he made his way to the base of the stairs, he saw Lucio smirking at him. 

“Looks like someone had an eventful night.”

Julian flushed a deep red as he nervously adjusted his collar to cover his hickeys. 

“Uh, sorry that I stayed over. I’ll go wash the sheets and I’ll be on my way.”

Lucio laughed and plopped down on an extravagant leather loveseat. 

“No no, there’s no need. The maids will take care of that. In the meantime, I’d like to have a little talk with you.”

Julian gulped but reluctantly made his way over to the couch and sat down, scooting as far away from Lucio as possible. 

“So,” Lucio began, combing a hand through his blonde hair. “I didn’t know you were gay.”

Julian shrugged and looked down at his lap. 

“I guess. I just never thought it was important to talk about it.”

“Oh but why not? I think it’s important. After all, I didn’t know that you were a  _ queer _ .”

Julian was a little taken aback by Lucio’s statement. The way he said ‘queer’ bothered the ginger, the word was laced with disgust.

“What about it?”

Julian scratched the back of his neck and then crossed his arms. He didn’t really feel like being interrogated. He was exhausted and just wanted to go home.

“Well, I’m just saying that it’s interesting. I mean, you did receive a handjob in the middle of a crowded room.” Julian opened his mouth to protest, but then immediately shut it. “That was very bold of someone who was too shy to come out to the grade.”

Julian huffed and stood up, forcing a smile upon his lips. 

“Alright, I’m a little tired. I’m gonna go home. Thank you for your hospitality and I’ll see you around.”

And with that, Julian exited the massive home and walked to his car. When he got in he sighed and rested his head on the steering wheel. He wanted to vomit, he desperately needed to get home but was so out of it he was unsure he would be able to drive. Still, Julian turned the key to turn the car on and started to drive all the way home. 

When he entered his house, Portia wasn’t anywhere to be found. He called for her and looked everywhere, but his redheaded sister was nowhere to be found. Julian then checked his phone to see if there were any messages. He noticed that Portia had texted him around 1 in the morning.

Port: Hey! Ima be at Nadia’s house for the night, she and I are gonna watch some Shera!!!! I’ll see you tomorrow, gn! <3 

Julian smiled, he was happy that Portia had found someone with common interests. He hoped that she was having a good time at Nadia’s. Julian’s eyes then glanced to the time on his phone and he noticed that it was 2 in the afternoon. He sighed, upset that he had spent most of the day sleeping. 

Julian made his way to his room, he got changed into fresh clothes and discarded his dirty garments in his hamper. Julian grabbed his homework from his backpack and then sat on his bed, getting underneath his grey, weighted blanket. He opened up his English binder and pulled out an assignment that was due on Friday. His assignment was to choose a song and analyze it’s lyrics. His job was to find the message and meaning behind the words, the story behind the tune. He had no idea what song he would choose, but he knew that he would do a fairly decent job. Maybe even better than decent. He enjoyed analyzing songs, picking them apart and unraveling them as if he was deciphering a code. 

Julian began shuffling through his playlist until he gave up. None of the songs that played seemed worthy of picking out the true meaning of. All of them were either too obvious or had no meaning, which annoyed him. 

The day went by as follows: Julian ate food, read some of Andrew Smith’s Grasshopper Jungle, practiced guitar, and then watched youtube videos until he fell asleep, hoping that his throbbing headache would be gone by the next day. 

Portia got home around 11 at night. She passed by Julian’s room just to check in on him and make sure he was alright. The ginger male was curled up into the fetal position and was holding a pillow close to his chest.

Portia smiled and shut the light that Julian had left on. She then made her way to her own room and got dressed in her pajamas. 

Her PJ’s were a button-up, white top and cozy pants with lemons all over. There was a satin fabric that lined the collar, sleeves, and the bottom of her pants. The pajamas were soft and very cozy, perfect for getting relaxed. 

Portia shut off the lights and made her way to her bed with the orange, floral, duvet cover and got underneath her blankets. She fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. 


	7. A Chance To Distract From Stress

Julian stood in the corner near the goal, waiting for the ball to come near him. He hadn’t planned on participating in gym, but his sister had convinced him that it would be fun, an entertaining way to get fit. Julian rolled his eyes. After all, he already worked out enough after school, he didn’t understand why he had ti in school as well. Still, he took his sister’s advice and was alert, anticipating the handball to be thrown to him at any second.

Julian noticed his sister getting annoyed. No one was passing to her. The only people who were touching the ball was the same five kids, not passing to anyone else. 

Portia ran up and down the gymnasium, waving her hands frantically and calling out to the boys that were hogging the ball. But they must have not heard her, or maybe were ignoring her, because no passes were made towards her direction.

Finally, Portia caught the ball because she jumped in front of a player on the other team. A boy stood near her, about three feet away, with his arms stretched out in front of him. 

“Here, pass it to me. I’ve got it for you.”

Portia looked unimpressed and glared at him, her lips pursing slightly.

“I can throw a ball. Go farther.”

The boy looked surprised, his eyebrows cocking up ever so slightly. But obeyed her command and backed up, around ten feet away, but she just signaled for him to go further. Finally, the boy was at the other side of the gym. With one swift throw, the ball flew out of Portia’s grip and soared through the room until the boy caught it. Most of the male students looked surprised, but a few female students were smirking and nodding at her. 

Nadia jogged towards the ginger girl, tightening her ponytail. Julian also made his way over to his sister, giving her a high five.

“Nice job, that was awesome, what you said to that guy back there.”

Nadia’s words were sincere, it was as if she had been waiting for someone to come along and tell the boy that for her entire life.

Portia smiled, combing her fingers through her wild hair. 

“Thanks! It's like they act like we can’t play sports just cause we’re girls or not conventionally ‘fit’ looking.”

Nadia laughed and nodded.

“Exactly! Like, I’m sorry. But I didn’t play softball for seven years just to be treated as a second class citizen when it comes to sports.”

Julian noticed that Portia’s cheeks were more rosy than usual. It could have been because of the exercise she was getting, but he was doubtful that was the reason. And when he made eye contact with his sister, smirking at her, she subtly shook her head, as if telling her brother ‘don't you dare’.

“And it’s crazy that the suicide rate has more than tripled since I was in high school. Society has taught you to be independent. Independent to a fault. You have been transfixed by the idea that you can’t talk about your feelings, can't ask for help. And that attitude is detrimental.”

Mr. Pearlman was pacing around the room, rubbing the back of his bald head and projecting his voice so his voice boomed through the entire room.

“Now how many of you stay up late doing your homework so you can’t get at least 8 hours of sleep?”

“But isn’t that what we’re trained to do?” A girl from the right side of the room asked.

The way that Mr. Pearlman’s classroom was ran encouraged students to call out and speak their minds. His philosophy was that if you treat students like robots who could only obey somebody else’s command, they would grow up being unable to depend on themselves. He treated students like equals and not as children.

“Your education is a lie. We tell you to get a good night’s rest, but then we prohibit you from doing so by ambushing you with homework. You cannot live without a fire, but the school system is trying to put that flame out. Don't let them kill that little spark of madness that burns inside of you.”

Almost out of nowhere there was a loud drilling noise coming from the roof. Since the health room was on the top floor, the health students had the privilege of having migraine-inducing construction sounds directly above their heads. 

Mr. Pearlman almost instantly made his way over to the phone that was on his desk and dialed the number to the main office. 

The secretary on the other side picked up the phone, and before she could say ‘hello’, Mr. Pearlman cut her off.

“I’m gonna play a game. It’s the ‘who the hell is working construction on the roof’ game. That’s my favorite game.”

The lady said something to Perlman that made him laugh.

“It sounds like Narnia is trying to come back through the wardrobe.”

She said something else to him and he thanked her, then hung up. Soon after the call, the construction stopped and Mr. Pearlman continued his lesson.

“Now, what is one of your everyday stressors?”

“Relationships.”

A kid from near the smartboard called out.

“Relationships or relation _ shits _ ?” 

The student laughed at Mr. Pearlman’s comment. 

“Both.”

Students continued to list things that stressed them out on the daily until nearly everyone in the room had spoken. Mr. Pearlman then walked over to his desk and pressed a button to play a video on the smartboard. 

A British woman appeared on the screen and introduced herself as Dianne Freach. She began to talk about how stress has amped up in the past few years, increasing the population of adolescents with depression and anxiety. She then began to speak about how stress can actually kill you. There are these things on chromosomes called ‘telomeres’. They are like the little plastic caps on the ends of your shoelaces. When those caps come off, the lace starts to fray. It’s the same thing with telomeres. Stress wears the telomeres down, making them weak and eventually dissolve completely. When the telomeres are all the way worn down, your chromosomes begin to unravel. And when your chromosomes unravel, it leads to cell death. Stress can  _ literally  _ be the cause of a person’s demise, but stress is just seen as an everyday thing that everyone has to deal with, not something deadly. 

As soon as the video ended, the bell rang. Mr. Pearlman wished the students a good day as they filed out of the room. But as Julian was walking down the stairs to make his way to the art room, he was stopped by a familiar white-haired male. 

“Julian, can I talk to you for a sec?”

Julian swallowed hard as Asra pulled him into an empty classroom.

“I- uh, no. I have to go to class.”

Asra didn’t let Julian go, he instead closed the door to the room. 

“Look, about Friday-”

“I told you. I have to go.” Julian averted Asra’s gaze, his face turning red as the events of that night replayed in his head over and over like a skipping record. “I don’t wanna talk to you.”

Asra let go of Julian, but Julian didn’t leave the room, he stayed. He didn’t know why he was staying, but he did regardless.

“I’m sorry about Friday.”

Julian was taken back by Asra’s apology.

“If you want to leave after this conversation, you can. And you never have to talk to me again unless you absolutely have to. But please, just listen to what I have to say.”

Julian crossed his arms and looked down at Asra.

“Okay fine. Say what you need to say. But after that, I’m out of here.”

Asra nodded and leaned against one of the desks in the classroom.

“I have a proposition for you.”

Julian cocked his head, intrigued by Asra’s words.

“I’d like to make an arrangement. I enjoyed that night immensely, and I can tell you did too. So, I’d like to make this a regular thing. You know, us. Sleeping together.”   
The red in Julian’s face deepened.

“I- uh- I have to go.”

He opened the door to exit the classroom and Asra let him go, watching as he hurried down the stairs. 

Julian swore as the bell rang. He didn’t want to be late to his class even though his art teacher, Miss Dini, wouldn’t mind him being a few minutes late, he still wanted as much time to make art as possible. 

When he got down to the classroom, he made his way to where he typically sat, grabbing a stool, some acrylic paints, and pulling his sketchbook out of his bag. He then began to paint a sketch that he was working on for a while. He decided that he wanted to paint a girl, using only one color. He chose red since it was his favorite color. He then began to mix different shades of color, taking a medium-sized brush to dip in a lightish shade of pink and began to paint in the girl’s skin tone. He covered her entire face, making it all one washed color. Then, he took a slightly darker shade of pink and colored in her cheeks and her nose, creating a blushing effect. Julian took a dab of the darkest red that he had mixed and began to work on the girl’s hair, which looked like it was flowing in the wind. 

With each stroke, Asra’s words repeated in Julian’s head. 

‘I’d like to make an arrangement.’

Julian shook his head. How dare Asra bring up that night. How dare he have the audacity to ask to make that event a common occurrence. Part of Julian was furious, but the other part of him wanted to accept the white-haired boy’s proposal. It was crazy, and there was no way that the arrangement would end well. But at the same time, Julian figured that he would rather have that kind of deal than to not have Asra in his life at all. 


	8. Let The Flame Go Out With A Whimper

It was three days after Julian’s conversation with Asra and the shorter male’s words still rang in the redheaded male’s head. While Portia was out playing Dungeons and Dragons, Julian was in his room, listening to his Arctic Monkeys record and lying on his side as he tried to drown Asra’s voice out with music.

Julian stared at the screen on his phone. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Asra’s icon on snapchat. Though he was ashamed of it, he was genuinely considering Asra’s proposition. He regretted Friday night, but he longed for Asra’s touch. His scent was intoxicating and the thought of his body against Julian’s made the taller male feel weak. Even though Asra had denied him of a kiss, Julian ached to touch his lips to Asra’s. He missed the intimacy that they had once shared. He missed the way that Asra used to look at him like there was no place he would rather be. 

Thoughts were racing through Julian’s mind, some discouraging him from messaging Asra, and others egging him on to do so. He didn’t know what to do, his heart was beating out of his chest and his head was spinning. He regretted sleeping with Asra. But at the same time, he thoroughly enjoyed having sex with him.

He hated the fact that Asra was making him question his morals.

Though he was internally screaming at himself to halt and stop what he was doing, Julian found himself sending a message to Asra.

Julian: hey, so i thought abt what you said. i wanna do the friends with benefits thing with you.

Julian anxiously waited for Asra’s response. The white-haired male eventually responded after a few minutes.

Asra: Okay, but just so it's clear: we aren’t friends. Not lovers, not anything. We’re just people who fuck sometimes.

Julian: k sorry

Asra: Do you want to come over now?

Julian: maybe, i'm not in the mood atm but if i get in the mood ill hit you up.

Asra: Okay

Julian swallowed hard, he hadn’t realized until he was done typing that his hands were shaking. He let out a sigh as his heart raced. Julian then placed his phone down next to him and sat up, stretching his limbs and cracking his neck. He was anxious about the possible hook up, but at the same time, he was excited to be touched again. He had thought about it almost nonstop since the party, fantasizing about having Asra plunge into his pool once more.

The thought of Asra was tightening the noose. The thought of Asra was drowning him.

An hour had passed and Julian was beginning to grow restless. He messaged Asra letting him know that he was coming over. Julian then grabbed his jacket and put on a pair of socks with little bats on them. After he grabbed what he needed, Julian left his room and checked on Portia, who was in her room studying french. 

“Hey Portia, I’m going to a friend’s house to go and study. I might sleepover so don’t wait for me to come home.”

Portia looked up at her brother and smiled, closing her textbook and getting up from her bed.

“Okay! Have fun!”

She wrapped her arms around Julian and Julian hugged Portia back.

When they were done hugging, Portia stood on her tippy toes to ruffle Julian’s hair. After he said goodbye, Julian made his way downstairs, put on his shoes, and made his way out the door. 

Julian got into his car and began driving, checking how he looked in the rearview mirror. He fixed his hair as his heart was beating out of his chest. He was smothered in excitement and anxiety. He couldn’t wait to be fucked by his ex, but at the same time, the thought of being so intimate with Asra left a bad taste in his mouth. He knew that he was going to get hurt, but he was hungry with lust and the scraps of love that were left. After all, Julian still wasn’t over the two-year relationship that had occurred even though it was a year in the past. 

Julian pulled into Asra’s driveway after a few minutes of driving. His home was quaint, a cute little brick house with a weeping willow in the front yard with a circle of large, raw, quartz crystals surrounding it. 

Julian walked up the stone walkway to the spruce wood door. He knocked three times and waited for Asra anxiously as he fiddled with his thumbs. 

Asra almost immediately answered the door and pulled Julian inside the house by the collar of his shirt. Julian gasped as Asra slammed the door and then shoved him against it. Asra instantaneously roughly attacked his neck with bite marks, refreshing the old hickeys that were given to him almost a week prior. Julian whined and then covered his mouth as Asra’s tongue grazed over his collar bone. He tickled his throat with harsh kisses and made the ginger involuntarily shriek.

Julian was weak at the knees. He would have fallen on the floor if it wasn’t for the knee in between his legs that were holding him up. Julian began to grind on Asra’s leg as Asra’s hand made it up Julian’s shirt. The white-haired male took his thumb and pointer finger and used them to twist the bud of the taller boy’s left nipple. 

Julian whimpered and moaned, sighed and groaned as Asra lightly squeezed the soft flesh of his nipple. Asra smirked against the skin on Julian’s neck when the boy he had pinned was needily mewling his name. 

Asra grabbed Julian by the hand and the pair hastily made their way through Asra’s home to his bedroom, both deciding not to waste any more time with frivolous foreplay. 

Julian sighed as Asra flung off the ginger’s shirt and shoved him onto the bed while kissing him up and down. Though Julian liked it rough, he savored soft touches and sweet moments like this. 

But there was no love in this.

Asra licked stripes up and down Julian’s body, his lips brushing against Julian’s hip bones and caressing his stomach. His hips bucked into the air as Asra started to unbutton his pants, tossing the garments onto the floor along with his underwear, shirt and shoes, only his socks remaining. Asra then stripped of his own clothes and left them in a pile near Julian’s. 

Asra then straddled Julian, his hands placed on Julian’s chest to hold himself up and to pin the taller male down. He began to rock his hips against Julian’s as Julian was going wild. He was moaning and gripping onto Asra’s waist for stability. As Asra ground into Julian, their dicks were rubbing together, creating overwhelming friction and screwing his eyes shut. Smooth muscles flexed and Julian’s heart was thumping so hard that he could hear it. 

Asra then crawled off Julian, reaching under his bed for a condom and lube. He fumbled with the condom in his hands and tore it open with his teeth as Julian snatched the bottle of lube and smeared it all over his entrance. When Asra and Julian were done getting themselves ready, Asra hoisted Julian’s ass up in the air and aimed towards Julian’s hole. 

With one swift movement, Asra plunged deep inside of Julian as Julian stifled a cry. Asra’s cock was buried deep inside of the redhead as his thighs were shaking and his chest was rapidly moving up and down, his lungs collecting air like a sponge. 

There was no inosculation. Though it was only sex and nothing more, Julian forced himself to forget about that for a moment.

Asra wrapped his hands around Julian’s throat. And with each submersion of his dick, Asra tightened his grip ever so slightly until Julian was gasping for air. Julian was clawing at Asra’s back, it eventually got to the point where there was no noise coming out of his mouth, only whispered screams.

“Awe, poor little birdy. You’ve lost your song, haven’t you?”

Asra sneered as Julian began to tear up, his lips parting ever so slightly. He needed Asra. He needed the humiliation and the fear that he instilled in him. There was no democracy in the bedroom. It was an absolute monarchy and Asra was the king.

The line between love and abuse was blurred as Asra roughly fucked and gently kissed Julian’s body. Julian wanted to kiss Asra, to brush his lips against his, to have their teeth clash, to have their tongues dance. However Asra didn’t want to get that close, and Julian would respect that. 

For now, he just had to be content with having his ass pounded. 

“You look so cute like this Iyla.”

His words were sweet but his tone of voice was anything but. His dialect was laced with bitterness and salt. 

When Asra began to trace his fingers along Julian’s happy trail, his dick began to leak with precome. Julian’s entire body was flushed and his thighs were shaking as they squeezed tighter around Asra’s body. His toes were pointed and his head was knocked back against the pillow as his body arched up from the mattress.

Julian’s gasps infected the atmosphere and his moans hung heavily in the air. His mind was screaming at him to think straight, to realize that sleeping with Asra was a big mistake, but his body felt so high that at the moment, Julian couldn’t think rationally. 

Asra continued to thrust and Julian continued to gasp, both boys creating a sensual harmony like a blackbird singing in the night. Julian wept with pleasure as Asra moved his dick in and out of him with skin slapping against skin. The shorter male used his thumb to gently rub Julian’s collar bone, which drove the ginger crazy. 

The complete and utter enjoyment that he was feeling was overwhelming and Julian couldn’t take it any longer. He came with an explosion like a jet out of a black hole. His whole body clenched, holding his breath until he was done. Asra came soon after, pressing his lips together and going silent as he ejaculated. 

Julian and Asra cleaned themselves up and then went back to bed. Julian spooned Asra, holding the white-haired male in his arms as their bodies collided. Julian gently played with Asra’s hair as Asra purred while he did so. The dark-skinned boy loved the feeling of Julian’s fingers against his scalp. And even though it was more lovey-dovey than he was comfortable with, he set that discomfort aside to relish in the feeling of Julian’s hands on his head and the ginger’s body heat against his back.


	9. The Eye That Sees All

“Isn't it ironic how the people back then try to imitate the sounds of the future and now look at us trying to imitate the sounds of the past?”

Mr. Pearlman was pacing around the room, he had shown the class a song and asked them to listen carefully. To the lyrics, to the meaning, to the sound. 

Julian glanced towards the thumbtack stippled bulletin board across the room that was full of anonymous confessions. He tried to read them, but it was hard to do so with his eyepatch hindering his vision. 

“It tends to invoke a nostalgic feeling. And adolescents tend to have trouble with feelings. Adolescents are both fantastic and terrible at emotion. Now, this goes back to the topic of trauma. When people go through a traumatic experience, they don't always remember everything that happened. That memory tends to be a blur. But they do remember the emotion that they felt.”

Nadia nodded from across the room and then raised her hand.

“Yes, Nadia.”

“That is very true, especially with sexual assault. I-”

She cracked her neck and then made eye contact with Mr. Pearlman. 

“I know a girl who had to go to a mental hospital.”

As soon as she mentioned a mental hospital, a few juniors started to murmur to each other and look at her pitifully. 

“She was assaulted and almost raped numerous times at a program she went to right after the mental hospital. This program, BOCES, has multiple different programs, including one for kids who can’t go to school because of mental health issues. And a year later, when she finally told the police, they told her that since she had mental issues, her mind was too frazzled for her to correctly recall information. And since she didn’t remember every single detail, they said that she was probably over-exaggerating about the whole thing.”

“Is your friend okay?” 

A girl known as Crystal who was sitting behind Julian asked, she looked at Nadia with sad eyes.

“Oh yeah,” Nadia waved her hand and grinned. “She got over it. Of course, there are some nights that she lies awake and thinks: ‘Oh shit, this really happened.’ But she’s forgiven the boy who did everything to her.”

A kid from her side of the room spoke up, looking confused.

“Wait. How do you just ‘get over’ trauma like that?”

Nadia shrugged.

“I dunno man, all I know is that if she could go back in time and stop all of that from happening to her, she wouldn’t because it made her a stronger person today. She accepted that what happened, happened. And she learned how to stop fretting about the past. It’s hard, but doable.”

The bell rang and as soon as Nadia stood, Asra gave her a hug. Julian was utterly confused as to what was happening, but he shrugged it off. 

He made his way out of the room and down the stairs to the art room. On his way, he heard some girls from his health room whispering to each other, but again, he shrugged it off.

When Julian entered the art room he made eye contact with his sister and Nadia: who were not only not in his art class, but they also got down here before him which confused the hell out of Julian.

“Hey guys, what are you doing here?”

Portia and Nadia turned to face Julian, Nadia nodded at Julian and Portia waved. “We’re making LARP costumes! Nadia and I are gonna cosplay as out DnD characters and I’m so hyped because O’Ryan, a kid in Nadia’s grade, is starting a LARP club! We both have free this period so we came down here to start on our projects.”

Julian genuinely looked interested, walking closer to the two girls to look at the fabric they had chosen. Portia had scraps of miscellaneous, green velvet fabric, while Nadia, on the other hand, had picked out a long roll of silky purple.

“My character is a princess, while Portia’s works for me in my castle. But even though she is a servant, her character is awesome and one of my favorites in the campaign.”

“Nice,” Julian responded, “Have fun you two!”

Portia ruffled her brother’s hair and chuckled. 

“Will do my guy!”

Julian made his way over to the back of the room and collected watercolors, a mixing palette, a few brushes in various sizes, and a cup of water before returning to the table that Nadia and Portia were seated at. 

While painting, Julian began painting, he also was biting his fingernails and the dead skin around them. After a while his fingers began to bleed, the blood began to drip onto the painting that Julian was making. At first, he swore under his breath. But then he had a fantastic idea.

Julian had once seen a YouTuber paint with her own blood. She pricked her finger and then dripped some blood into a painter’s palette. Then she added water to the tray and mixed different shades of her blood with the water. The painting she had come up with was a nurse with a large syringe. The video that Julian recalled inspired Julian to make his own bloodied painting.

Julian squeezed his finger to drip blood onto the mixing palette. He then added water into the palette. After, Julian found a sketch that he had drawn days prior that he was interested in painting. The sketch was of a young girl with pigtails and overalls. He thought it would be interesting to paint a young, innocent-looking character in blood. Finally, Julian took a fine-tipped brush and dipped it into the lightest shade of blood. He gently covered her face, neck, and arms in a shade of his blood. Julian then moved on to the hair, the clothes. And finally, with pure, undiluted blood, he painted her eyes.

Julian noticed as he was working, that the blood seemed to spread on the paper more often than typical paints. The pigment bled into the other colors more than any other medium that Julian had ever dealt with. Though watercolor was well known as the hardest medium to work with, Julian had discovered a new medium.

“What the fuck Julian!”

Nadia exclaimed when she saw what he was doing, absolutely horrified.

“Huh?- Woah! That’s awesome!”

Nadia looked at Portia with alarmed eyes, then looking back at Julian with disgust.

“Julian, are you okay? First off, that’s gross. Second, does that hurt?”

Julian shook his head and gave Nadia a bloody thumbs up.

“I’m fine! It doesn’t hurt much now, but thanks for the concern.”

Portia nudged her fabric away from Julian.

“That’s an awesome idea Ilya, but don't get any blood on my things. I don’t want it to stain.”

Julian laughed and nodded at his sister.

“No worries, no blood will get on your stuff.”

And with that, all three kids got back to work on their individual projects.

It was only a few minutes later when Julian received a snap from the one and only, Lucio.

Lucio: hey i need a favor 

Julian: what do you want

Lucio: look, i'm sorry if i was hostile or rude the morning after my party. Ive noticed youve been especially cold to me ever since. But i need your help. After this you never have to talk to me again.

Julian: what if i don't help

Lucio: oh trust me, you will.

Julian: ???

Lucio: so i need you to hook me up with nadia. She’s been ignoring me ever since our breakup and it hurts. Just like, help out or smth.

Julian: can't. im already tryina get her with someone else

Lucio: 1. Who 2. Believe me wehn i say you will help me. You will want to.

Lucio: *when

Julian: i won't tell. and why?

Lucio: cause i know abt your little crush on asra.


	10. Curb Your Appetite

Julian’s heart sank down to his stomach as he stared at his phone. He began to break into a cold sweat, his hands twitching. Julian hadn’t told anyone, not even Portia, that he still had feelings for his ex. So how the hell did Lucio find out? 

Julian: ???

Julian: what are you talking about

Lucio: oh u know what i'm talking abt

Julian: i really don't

Lucio: i see the way you look @ him. After yall broke up during the summer of 9th grade, you were literally just a husk of your old self. U havent been the same. 

“Julian, you okay?”

Portia looked up from her project, the tension between her eyebrows indicating her worries. 

Julian hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath until he exhaled.

“Yeah, I’m all good.”

“Bullshit Julian, what’s going on?”

Portia saw through Julian’s blatant lie. Her face went from sympathetic to annoyed. She was annoyed at the fact that her brother wouldn’t just spill the beans on whatever was troubling him. My theory was proved to be right when I saw you guys all over each other at the party.

“I-”

Julian sighed and pulled up a stool, sitting down and putting his cheek against the table.

“There’s this thing that happened last week at Lucio’s party. Because of that thing, Lucio put two and two together to figure out something that I don't want him to know. He’s now blackmailing me with said information.”

He dramatically placed the back of his hand on his forehead, pretending that he was fainting. 

“My life is over!”

“Okay dude,” Portia rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “I know you’re a theater kid but enough with the theatrics. What is this dirt that Licuo has on you anyway?”

“I can’t say.”

“Oh come on Julian! What’s so bad that you can't just spill?”

“Does it have to do with Asra?”

Nadia interrupted their sibling quarrel. As soon as she mentioned Asra, Julian’s face lost all of it’s color. 

“No, not him.”

Nadia raised an eyebrow but said no more.”

“What happened at his party? I wasn’t paying much attention to my surroundings.”

Julian shook his head.

“I won't tell.”

Portia groaned. 

“Tell me!”

Portia began to list off possibilities of what Julian was hiding. Naming everything from Julian doing something embarrassing while being high, or a video of him badly dancing, or him throwing up on the carpet. All of her guesses were way off the mark. Until they weren't. 

“Did you hook up with someone?”

Julian hesitated, looking from his sister, to Nadia, then back to his sister.

“Yes…”

“Did you have sex with someone?”

Julian didn’t answer. His face turned bright red and he avoided Portia’s gaze.

“Oh my god!” Portia exclaimed. “You totally did!”

“Shhh!” Julian jumped up to cover his sister’s mouth with his bloody hand as Nadia chuckled. 

“Shut up Portia!”

Though people were starting to stare, Portia wouldn’t drop it. 

“With who? Who’s the lucky guy? Was it your first time?”

“Alright Portia,” Nadia placed her hand on the smaller girl’s shoulder and stifled a laugh. “I think you’ve embarrassed your brother enough.”

The red-faced male enthusiastically nodded as his sister pouted.

Portia opened her mouth to protest but was interrupted by the bell. 

“Well! Off I go!”

Julian said brightly. He snatched his bag and art supplies, hastily chucking the paint tools in the sing and booking it out of the art room, up the stairs, and too his bus. Julian plopped down in his typical seat and slouched down, sighing and resting his knees on the back of the seat in front of him. 

Julian pulled out his phone and opened his snap. Lucio had sent him another message.

Lucio: so, what do you say?

Julian: fine ill do it


	11. Dinner and Interrogations

Julian groaned as he buried his face in his pillow. He was exhausted and emotionally drained from a long day at school, and even more so from his short yet stressful conversation with Lucio. 

Julian rolled onto his back and stared at the myriad of posters that were scattered across his ceiling. He looked at one poster he had made for his first protest and smiled. He had worked hard on that poster. It had the image of a ‘children are crossing’ sign, but the silhouetted man Julian had drawn had a red gun in his hand. Underneath laid the text ‘children are playing’. Julian remembered going to the protest with Portia and some of his old friends. School shootings were something that he was very paranoid about and felt as if gun control laws should be stricter. 

Julian then opened his phone to pull up youtube. He scrolled through his feed but found nothing of interest, nothing that peaked his attention. 

After scrolling through youtube for fifteen minutes, Julian gave up on finding something to watch and decided to take a nap. He put on his Florence And The Machines record on his record player and dozed off to Florence’s voice. Right before he had completely fallen asleep, he imagined Asra holding him in his arms while Julian played with the smaller male’s hair. Julian truly wished that he had a cartography table so he could make a map to Asra’s heart. He knew it was nearly impossible to have Asra in the way that he wanted him. Still, that couldn’t stop him from imagining. Julian was trying to fill the basement in his mind with optimism and lovely furniture to spice up the room a bit. But no matter what he did, it could never change the fact that the basement was just a basement and would always be a basement. 

“So, are you sure you don’t wanna tell me about this mystery man?”

Portia shoved spaghetti into her mouth, strands of pasta hanging out and sauce all over her face. 

“How about Nadia, hm?”

Julian cocked an eyebrow and smirked as Portia flushed, slurping up the rest of her pasta into her mouth.

“I-”

“You want me to talk about my guy? You’re gonna have to spill about your girl.”

Portia slumped down into her seat, defeated. 

“Ugh! You’re no fun.” 

Julian laughed as Portia pouted and crossed her arms/

“So,” Julian swirled pasta with his fork and spoon. “Did anything interesting happen today?”

Portia’s face lit up.

“Yeah! Today a kid shoved a grape up his nose. Then it got stuck and he tried to sneeze it out. Eventually, he had to go to the nurse to get it removed!”

Julian cringed at the thought of getting a grape stuck in his nose. But Portia wasn’t done with her stories. She went on and on about stories she read in english and the events that happened in her choir class and jokes that kids in her math class told.

After dinner, Julian went back to his room to finish his homework. He was assigned to write a poem for health class. The poem had to be about your past, the things in your childhood that made you who you are today. Julian put his pen to his paper and began to write about his childhood. He tried to write about the positive, and he did. But his pen kept going back to the troubles. The scars and trauma from his past. In a sense, Julian didn’t really have a childhood. He was forced to grow up quickly in order to take care of his younger sister.

After ten minutes of nonstop writing, Julian was done. He sighed and put his writing utensil down. The ginger then let his eyes graze over his poem. He didn’t know if he was satisfied with his writing. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful, there were things about his youth that were positive. But those were scattered among a sea of nightmares.

COSAP

That’s the cute little nickname they gave me. COSAP.

But do you know what that acronym stands for?

Child Of Substance Abusing Parents.

The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.

The day you have a sip is not the day you become an addict. 

But addiction runs in my veins, flows through my blood. It’s genetic, a trait passed on from generations from my wonderful family. 

They’ve done all sorts of tests and they guess it has something to do with my grandmother’s grandfather’s civil war soldiers who have badly infected her.

Cause of the liquor my parents consume, I had to protect her from the fumes.

Because she is a flower, and it would be a shame for her to wilt. 

So I take the hilt of my sword in my hands and I swing.

I swing until the cows come home.

I got behind the wheel at age 11, because my mother was stuck in a state of intoxicating heaven that’s corrupted her mind, it is the ring that she has to find.

But it’s gone.

Because she took it off the last time father struck like lightning, burning our forests to the ground.

She is vivacious, but me- I am cautious. Cautious of the deserted home that you leave us un for months on end, afraid that you’ve come back.

One time dad slept in a city that never wakes up. Mom brought him to the hospital where he left for three days.

Those three days without black and blue. Bruises turn to a yellowish hue that indicated that it was over.

For a moment,

It was over.

I am a COSAP.

And to some, that’s all they see.

And they’re right.

That’s all I’ll ever be.

Julian prayed that he wouldn’t have to read his poem aloud in front of the class.

He knew that Mr. Pearlman wouldn’t read the poem, only store it away in a portfolio for him to get all his work back once the two semesters of the class were over. But still, if Mr. Pearlman saw a line that alarmed him, he may report his parent’s to the police. 

And the last thing that Julian needed was to be put in a foster home.


	12. She Kills Monsters

“So, before I start, I just wanna give a little background information.” 

Portia cracked her neck and her knuckles. 

“So, there’s this girl that I like. And there’s this sleazy guy that keeps hitting on her. So this poem is about that. I know, it’s off-topic and not what we were supposed to write about, but when I started writing this just kinda came to mind and I really like how it came out.”

Portia took a deep breath and adjusted her paper before reading her poem. 

“You can’t grind her down with a nail file. 

You can’t add her to your pile of exes. 

Because unlike me she’s not a bore.

She’s not an open door. 

Unlike me, she’s not easy to please. 

And that’s why I like her

Because she’s nothing like me.

And she’s nothing like you. 

It’s okay if you have NPD,

But it’s not when you manipulate her and me

Into believing your innocence 

To you were not even worth a cent. 

No one is worth a penny 

To a cheater at the game of life. 

I can’t tell her to be weary 

Cause I swear I’m not that petty

But the dirt in your skull makes me uneasy

And you say you like her but we both know your incapable of love. 

I’m quoting you. 

And you see, you and me

Are done. 

And this drum like a gun in my grave 

And I will pull the trigger if it saves her. 

I’ll do anything to save her

From you.

She isn’t cheap like your other vessels 

She is not something for you to deflower, defile

The back of my hand at the back of your mind

Here’s a sock. Do what you want with it,

But keep her out of your mind.”

The class was silent for a split second before erupting into applause. Portia let out a loud exhale and smiled at the ground. Julian rubbed her back to reassure her that everything was okay. Portia didn’t like public speaking, so the fact that she chose to share was surprising to him. 

Julian also wondered how Portia knew about Lucio, and how much she knew about his plans to get with Nadia. Nadia looked thoroughly impressed by Portia’s poem, though she clearly had no idea it was about her.

Nadia raised her hand to read next, but she was interrupted by the bell.

“Okay Nadia,” Mr. Pearlman started. “You can read tomorrow. Everybody have a great day and I’ll see you soon.”

As students chaotically filed out of the room, Asra made his way over to Julian. 

“Hey.”

He said.

“Hey.”

Julian responded.

“Do you wanna meet up after school? I have a shit ton of homework, so unless you wanna study with me, you should come over after 8.”

Asra combed a hand through his hair as he spoke.

“That’s okay, My sister’s making me play DnD with her after school anyway. She and I are leaving around 10 so I’ll be at your place at 10:15.”

“Cool, see you then.”

And with that, Asra turned around and exited the room. As he did so, Julian couldn’t help from letting his eyes wander down to Asra’s ass. His hips swayed as he walked, and Julian wanted nothing more than to place his hands on his waist and bring him close. Julian wanted to kiss Asra’s neck as the smaller male moved his ass against Julian’s raging hard-on. 

Julian had to snap himself out of his daydream and leave the classroom. Before he did that though, he snatched a condom and a packet of lube from the basket by the door.

“Ooo! Someone’s getting laid tonight!”

Julian whipped around to see his sister who he hadn’t even realized was still in the classroom. 

“I- uh…”

Julian’s face was bright red. He had no rebuttal against his sister’s claims.

“Hey, it’s alright my guy. At least you’re being safe.”

Portia patted Julian on the back and winked at him.

“You better still be coming to DnD tonight though. I’ll kill you if you miss it.”

“O-of course I’m coming. I’m t-the one driving you.”

Julian was still stammering from embarrassment, but he tried to stay calm and pretend like his not-so-secret sex life hadn’t been violated by his sister. 

“Fantastic! I gotta go to science now, see you later big bro!”

She stood on her toes to fuffle Julian’s ginger hair and then skipped out of the classroom.

“So, what do you want your alignment to be?”

“My what?” 

Julian answered his sister’s question with furrowed eyebrows.

“Ya know, your alignment. Are you chaotic, lawful, good, evil, neutral?”

“I’m a democrat.”

Nadia laughed.

“That’s not what an alignment is silly!” Portia took Julian’s character sheet and scrawled something down on it. “Here, I’ll have you be chaotic neutral.”

Julian nodded, not really knowing what that meant but he went along with it anyway.

“Alright,” Portia gave the character sheet back to her brother and Julian looked it over. “So I’m a human cleric and I’m chaotic neutral. What now?”

“Now you’ve just gotta choose a name for your character.”

“Uh… Can I use my name?”

Nadia rolled her eyes.

“I mean yeah, but that’s tame! You could be Aegnor the brave or Quaeth Plagneth, seeker of cures. Do something interesting.” 

Julian shrugged.

“Nah, I’m good with Julian Devorak.”

Portia crossed her arms and rolled her eyes as well. 

“Okay fine, you’re Julian Devorak. Boring old Julian Devorak.”

After she was done, Portia turned to the GM.

“He’s all set! Let’s begin!”

The gm nodded and looked at all the other players. 

“Alright. You are all at a The Bard’s Tale Tavern. There’s live music being played in the background, the performers on a small wooden platform near the back of the room. What are you all doing?”

“Sylvana is at the bar,” Nadia speaks. “She is drinking red wine and conversing with a dragon born next to her.”

“Kaladrethal is dancing to the music, her feet kicking up dust as they move to the beat of the hand drum and har hands wave to the tune of the lyre.” Portia acts out what her character was doing, dancing in her seat to an imaginary melody.

“Uh…” Julian looked from his sister, to Nadia, to the GM, and then back to his sister. “Julian is in the back corner, his hood up as he eyes the people in the room, observing from afar. No one can see my face because it is shrouded by a plague mask.”

“Okay Julian,” The GM started. “Make a perception check.”

Julian rolled a D20 and looked back up at the GM.

“I rolled a 14.”

“Okay, now add 2. That would give you 16.” Portia said.

“Alrighty. So Julian, you notice towards the bar there are two cloaked figures that are talking. One of them scans the room and the other reaches into his pocket and pulls out a dagger. The one that scans the room makes direct eye contact with you. What do you do?”

Julian scratches his shoulder and yawns.

“I hold his gaze, my face laced with a fierce look.”

“Does Sylvana notice what’s going on?” Nadia butt in.

“Roll perception.”

Both the GM and Nadia rolled.

“12.”

“Okay, so out of the corner of your eye you see the figure with the knife approach Kaladrethal, but she is too preoccupied with dancing to notice. What do you do?”

Nadia thought for a bit, looking down at her character sheet and scanning her items. 

“I take my whip out of my bag and approach the person with the dagger. I hold it around their throat and whisper in their ear: ‘Don't you even think about hurting her.’”

“The figure grunts and places her hand on the whip to try and pull it away, but with no avail. ‘Let me go, it’s nothing personal. I have a job to do.’ The voice is female, and you can tell now up close that she is fairly young dragon-born.” 

The GM speaks for the NPC in a raspy, high pitched voice, mimicking the sound of a child that smoked 6 packs a day.

“You then notice a gauntlet around her wrist. The symbol on the brass gauntlet looks something like this.”

The GM shows the players an image of a symbol that sort of looks like a bug. It has three, sharp legs on each side and one large eye in the middle of it’s body.

“Do I recognise the symbol?”

Nadia asked, leaning forward to carefully inspect the symbol.

“Vaguely. You know that you’ve seen it before, but you have no idea where it’s from. All you know is that it’s a guild symbol.”

The GM then turned to Portia. 

“Kaladrethal, you now notice what is going on. What do you do?”  
“Can I kill her with my short sword?”

The GM rolls a dice.

“Roll for athletics.”

Portia rolled her dice and cringed. 

“I rolled a nat 1…”

“Alrighty,” The GM started. “Not only do you miss, but you fall on the floor flat on your face and your nose starts bleeding. Take one point of damage. Now people in the tavern begin to notice what is going on. Some freak out, others join the chaos. The other cloaked figure books it, they jump out of a window and exits the scene. Julian, what do you do?”

“I hurry over to Kaladrethal and Sylvana and rush them out of the tavern to get them out of harm's way.”

“I bring the hostage with us.” Said Nadia.

“Okay cool,” The GM shuffled with their papers and flipped through a packet that they had. “So y’all make your way out of the tavern and into the forest. Sylvana, you’re dragging the kicking and screaming dragon born behind you and you all scurry through the forest.”

As the campaign continued, Julian began to understand why his sister was so obsessed with this game. During the session, the three took out a small clan of gerblins that were terrorizing a village. They caught one of the gerblins and interrogated him. 

Once 10 o’clock rolled around, the GM wrapped up their first session with the gerblin telling them that he was with Dimir. He showed the party a burnt sigil on his right forearm that had the same bug like sign as their hostage. This lead to the questions: ‘Who was Dimir?’ ‘Why were they after Kaladrethal?’ ‘Was Kaladrethal hiding something from the rest of the party?’ ‘What were they going to do with their hostage?’

“Yo! That game was amazing!” Portia exclaimed, munching on some sour patch kids. “How’d you like it?”

Julian smiled while still keeping his eyes on the road.

“It was actually pretty fun.”

“I knew you’d like it!”

“I do have a question though.”

“Hm?”

Portia turned to her brother, a singular sour patch kid falling from her mouth and onto her lap.

“What’s up with your character’s backstory? Why is her left arm missing?”

“Oh!” Portia exclaimed. “She lost all of her memories when she was a teen so she has no idea! I know why, but you’ll have to find out when she discovers what’s up about her past!”

Julian chuckled. Of course, Portia’s character just had to have a mysterious backstory. But she got her dramatic flair from the best, learning from her brother’s theatrics. Julian wasn’t one to talk though. His character was on the run from being accused of murdering a king that he didn’t actually murder. He was also a plague doctor, who was traumatized by the amount of death he had encountered.

The two siblings continued to blabber about the campaign until they got home. Julian dropped his sister off and then immediately sped off to Asra’s place.

“O-oh my- fuck Asra…”

“Awe, look at you!” Asra cooed as he stroked Julian’s cheek and then swiftly slapped it after. “So hungry for my cock. It’s adorable!”

Julian was on his knees, face down, ass in the air as Asra continuously thrust into him. One of Asra’s hands was on Julian’s waist and the other gripping his own hair. 

Julian was in complete and utter ecstasy, his eyes fluttering as his gaze turned upwards. He began to salivate, his tongue lolling ever so slightly out of his mouth. His toes were uncontrolably flexing and he had fistfuls of blanket between his fingers. Julian arched his back to help Asra get a better angle. Somehow, with Asra going at him from behind helped Asra to plunge himself deeper inside of Julian. 

Asra was shoving his dick past Julian’s rim as Julian clenched around Asra.

“Fuck Ilya, you’re so tight…” 

Asra grunted as Julian wailed. Julian was burning from the inside out. He was covered in alcohol, surrounded by dry wood and Asra was a match. 

Asra slammed deep inside of Julian and Julian gasped in response. Julian was shaking, quaking, he felt alive with every jerk of Asra’s hips. The ginger’s prostate was being pounded to a pulp and his cock was throbbing with every stroke of the white haired male’s hand. Asra’s thumb slid over the slit of Julian’s dick as Julian shivered with pleasure.

Julian was pleading with Asra, for what he didn’t know; all he knew was that the pleasure was overwhelming. And despite that, he wanted more. The heart in his chest was booming, the blood in his ears was screaming. For a moment, Julian was able to push the anxiety of Lucio’s blackmail aside. He was able to worship Asra and forget about Lucio, only if for a night.

Asra’s nails dug into Julian’s thighs as he mercilessly fucked the taller male. Julian shrieked into the mattress as his fingers seized the blanket that he was desperately holding onto. 

With every thrust, Julian’s voice went higher and higher, eventually hitting octaves that he had no idea he could hit. His mouth was wide open to moan, but only tiny squeaks escaped his lungs. It was embarrassing, yet enthralling. Asra tangled his fingers in the roots of Julian’s curly hair that had been messed up from being yanked.

“You feel so good Ilya, fuck…”

Julian responded with a high pitched moan. His hole tightened around Asra’s thick cock and Asra gasped and then closed his eyes.

“Hah… A-Asra fuck I’m so close...”

Asra then pulled out of Julian, making the taller male whine.

“Oh come o-on. You can’t just blue ball me like this!”

Asra smirked at how needy Julian was being.

“I can do whatever I want. You’re my toy, remember?”

Julian sighed but nodded. He sat upon his knees and then looked up at Asra with big, silver, doe eyes. Julian’s entire body was flushed crimson, his blush deepening when he noticed Asra stroking himself. Asra’s eyes were screwed tightly shut and his legs were spread to make it easier for him to reach his dick. Julian reached down to stroke his own member, but Asra scolded him.

“Don’t you dare touch yourself.”

Julian groaned but obeyed, squirming in his seat as Asra touched his dick in slow, languid movements. Julian felt the blood rush to his dick as it painfully swelled. Precome began to excrete from Asra’s cock and Julian’s eyes went wide. Asra was just so beautiful, spread out and whining. The motions of Asra’s hands were soft. He then began to speed up the tempo of his jerking, his fingers wrapped around his cock began to quiver.

“F-f-f-fuck… Asra pl-please, I’m dying over here, can I please-”

“Shut the fuck up and don't take your eyes off me.”

Asra opened his eyes and stared at Julian. He held Julian’s gaze with intensity and longing. Though Julian was needy, Asra needed this just as bad as the ginger. Julian was too sober for mistakes like this, but he was able to push aside the shame, letting himself be distracted by the pretty little noises coming out of the shorter male’s mouth. 

The extended suspension would drive Julian mad. He ached for nothing else aside from touching himself, And he yearned even more for Asra to be the one touching him. 

Just when Julian really couldn’t take it anymore, Asra stopped jerking himself off and reached under his bed. He pulled something up and then plopped it on the bed. 

It was a cock ring. 

Where did he get a cock ring? 

Why did he have a cock ring? 

He then grabbed another. 

“Sit so your back is against the headboard.”

Julian did as he was told, back all the way back so he was leaning against the spruce wood headboard. Julian winced as Asra slid the cock ring around him, resting it at the base of his dick. He then put on his own cock ring. 

Julian’s cock ring was different than Asra’s. It was purple and had a little button on the side while Asra’s was silver with no button. 

Asra pressed the button on Julian’s cock ring and it began to vibrate. He opened his mouth to scream and shout, he waved his arms and flapped about, but he couldn’t scream and he couldn’t shout. There was no song coming out of his mouth. Julian’s back arched and his legs began to spasm. Asra just laughed at the taller male which thoroughly embarrassed him. Asra then attacked the junction of his neck and shoulders, biting and licking all over, the taste of salt lingering on Julian’s skin.

Julian whined at the realization that he’s not going to cum anytime soon.

Thoughts were racing back and forth through the ginger’s head. And the message coming from Asra’s eyes was one that a predator would give to it’s prey. The feeling coming from Julian’s blood was one of warmth, heating up his cheeks and stomach. Waiting for Asra’s next move was a terrifying wait. Sex with Asra was always something new. There was nothing that radical professionals could do to slow down Julian’s heartbeat when Asra shot him a look of mischief.

“Just relax, you’ll be fine.” Asra said as he smirked, looking down at Julian with naughty glee. Julian replies by bucking his hips into the air involuntarily, his body begging for stimulation.

With every second, Julian grew more and more impatient. He began to scream. He could hear the walls repeating, the echoing in his soul was smothering him. 

As Asra was enjoying the show, he slipped off the condom that he was previously wearing, tied it in a knot, and threw it in the trash bin near his bed. Then he reached to grab another condom and rolled it on to his erection and slathered lube on himself. Asra then grabbed Julian by the waist and lifted him up off the bed. 

“Are you ready?”

Asra’s voice had genuine concern. As he asked for Julian’s consent once more, Julian smiled. He felt appreciated. And even though Asra was controlling and dominating the taller male, Julian knew deep down that if he was not okay with anything that Asra was doing, all he had to do was say ‘stop’ and Asra would listen to him.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Asra smirked and nodded.

“Good. I’m so excited to make you mine, to serve it to you.”

And with that, Asra buried his cock deep inside of Julian. 

Julian cried out in pleasure. His heartbeat sounded like drumming. The taller male began to shudder, tick, his body jerking as Asra had his way with him. 

Asra then stopped, pulling out of Julian, making Julian complain with a desperate moan.

“Ilya, are you okay? Do you need me to stop?” Asra furrowed his brows and gently stroked the side of Julian’s face to try and calm him down. “You’re spasming and I just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

“Ah- please… pl-please don’t stop-p!”

Julian plead louder than intended, but Asra got the message. He instantly plunged back into Julian’s ass and Julian screamed. 

“Look at me Ilya.”

Julian hadn’t even realized his eyes were shut until he opened them. Asra held his gaze and wouldn’t drop his eyes. A hand then wrapped around Julian’s throat, lothesomely coiled and squeezed as a choked yelp escaped Julian’s lungs. Spit ran down his chin and his chest began to heave. Asra smirked down at him, but behind his eyes was something more. Julian couldn’t quite decipher what was deep in Asra’s pupils, but he shakily smiled up at the white haired male anyway.

Julian’s hands trembled when Asra continuously and steadily pounded his prostate. Between the vibrating cock ring and the fucking he was receiving from Asra, Julian was overwhelmed and in a state of extacy. The cock ring only amplified the overstimulation. 

Julian was trying, and failing, to harvest sanity.

The ginger felt Asra’s tongue trail across his body as the shorter male’s teeth grazed his skin. Asra’s mouth’s trek across his curves and valleys was blissful.

With a yell, Julian began tearing up, the sight of which caused Asra’s eyes to go wide. Julian’s eyes began to flutter shut, but Asra tightened his grip, wordlessly telling Julian not to close them. Julian then mewled in frustration. Keeping his eyes open was hard, but he would do anything for Asra.

Julian gasped in a feeble attempt to summon oxygen and bring it into his chest. His sharp inhales and heaving chest was making his body tremble even more. As Asra’s thrusts became more sporadic, Julian’s screams then transformed into quiet, desperate squeaks. He began to cry.

“Please…” Julian plead between sobs. “It-it’s too much I h-have… have to come…”

Asra pulled out of Julian, got off of him, held the taller male in his arms, and took the cock ring off of him. Julian immediately came, for he had reached the tipping point long ago. Warm fluid escaped his body as he sobbed into Asra’s shoulders, clinging onto him for dear life. Asra combed his hands through Julian’s hair and kissed his cheek.

“Shhh… You’re okay. You were brave and did really well.”

With his spare hand, Asra took off his own cock ring and moaned with a high pitched voice as he came all over Julian and himself.

Both boys collapsed, covered in semen and tangled in each other’s limbs. As the faucet in Julian’s eyes choked to a trickle, he smiled and nuzzled into Asra’s chest. Asra continued to play with Julian’s ginger locks, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. 

Finally, Julian fully calmed down. He started contently humming as Asra kissed the top of his head.

“Are you okay? Was that too much?”

Julian looked up at Asra, the corners of his grey eyes wrinkled and his mouth sculpted into a sappy smile.

“Yeah, I’m good. That was amazing, but I never want to do it again.”

“I’m sorry if that wasn’t enjoyable. I-”

No, Asra, it’s really okay. I loved it, but it was so overwhelming I don't think I can ever do that again.”

Asra smiled and pecked Julian on the forehead once more.

“Alright. I’m gonna go get a towel to clean us up and a fuzzy blanket. Do you want anything?”

Julian nodded. 

“Give me the finest hot chocolate you have.”

Asra laughed.

“Okay good sir, only the best for you.”

And with that, Asra left the room.

Twenty minutes later, Asra returned with a towel, a fluffy, purple blanket, and two large mugs of hot chocolate with giant marshmallows and whipped cream on top. Julian instantly sat up when the scent of cocoa entered his nostrils.

Asra set the two mugs aside on the table next to his bed, placed the blanket on said bed, and then got the towel to clean Julian. He softly wiped away the come with gentle hands. Then he took care of himself and threw the towel in the laundry basket that was in his closet. Finally, Asra handed Julian one of the mugs of hot chocolate.

Julian licked at the whipped cream while Asra slurped the marshmallows into his mouth. Once they had finished their beverages, the two males cuddled in the nude underneath the fuzzy blanket. They held each other close and let their body heat warm the other.

“Hey, Julian.”

“Yeah?”

Asra sighed and closed his eyes.

“Just to make it clear, there’s nothing romantic going on here. If the lines ever get blurred between acquaintances who fuck and lovers, we need to call this arrangement off.”

Julian’s face fell but he nodded and tried to look okay with what Asra had just said. Been a fool, he had been blind. He just couldn’t leave the past behind. 

“You know, when we broke up you told me that you didn’t want me to be in your life anymore. That's pretty hard to digest.”

Asra’s eyebrows shot upward for a second. He was surprised at Julian’s comment.

“Julian, I meant-” 

“No, It’s fine. Really. I just don't appreciate how you keep on talking to me like we're strangers but I’ve known you since we were kids.”

Julian started to get up but Asra grabbed his arm.

“Ilya, please don't go.”

Julian tugged his arm out of Asra’s grasp, snatching his clothes and throwing them on. He faced away from the shorter male to hide the tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to start crying. Not again.

“I have homework to do. Didn’t finish studying, got a quiz tomorrow in Italian.”

That was a bluff, but Julian needed to get out of that house. He needed to get away from Asra and to the safety of his own home.

Without another word shared between the two boys, Julian left Asra alone in his room. 

Julian raced down the stairs and sprinted to his car. As soon as he got into his car, the tears began to fall. 


	13. Does Portia Look Like Mother Teresa To You?

Portia was sitting on the couch in the living room when she heard the garage door opening. She looked up from the book she was reading. She was confused as to why Julian was home. He said that he was staying the night at his mystery boy’s house.

Once Julian made his way up the stairs, Portia was waiting for him. Her face immediately fell from a warm smile to a concerned gaze when she noticed Julian’s cheeks that were shiny with tears.

“Ilyushka, what happened?”

Julian crumbled against the wall, leaning on it and holding himself for support.

Portia went up to her brother and hugged him, taking him in her arms and squeezing. Portia gave the best hugs. She was small and squishy, like an oversized pillow. Julian didn’t hug his sister much anymore, but he really needed her hug at this very moment.

Julian sobbed into Portia’s shoulder as she patted him on the back.

“How about we go sit down. I’ll get you some snacks and water and we can talk about everything if you want. How does that sound?”

Julian nodded and Portia lead him over to the velvet, muddy green couch in the living room. She then hastily grabbed some kit kats and water and made her way over to her brother, who was in the fetal position, holding his knees up to his chest as he wiped the snot from his nose. 

Portia sat next to her brother and handed him the bag of kit kats and the glass of water. Julian chugged the water and placed the empty glass on the floor before ripping open the bag of chocolate wafers and began shoveling them into his mouth. 

Once he was done feasting like a starved hyena, Julian cleared his throat and rubbed his eye that was covered by the eye patch.

“Here,” Portia reached her hands up to Julian’s face. “Lemme take this off for you.”

Julian didn’t stop her. Though his eye was something he was sensitive about, the soaked eye patch was annoying him. 

Portia was the only one besides his parents that had ever seen his covered eye. She took off the patch, revealing an eye full of blood. Julia had a special form of a subconjunctival hemorrhage. A subconjunctival hemorrhage is when a blood vessel pops in the eye, causing the sclera, the white part of the eye, to fill with blood, turning it red. Typically, subconjunctival hemorrhages heal within two weeks. But for Julian’s case, his eye would never heal since it hadn’t been taken care of properly. Because of this, Julian had a permanent blood filled eye which often scared people away. He felt it was disgusting and scary looking, so he covered it up in shame and fear of how others would look at him differently. He would rather be looked at as a weird kid with an eye patch then get pitiful or scared looks for his eye.

“So start from the beginning, what happened?”

Julian sniffled and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of the striped shirt he was wearing underneath his McCafferty t-shirt.

“Well…” Julian had to choose his words carefully. He didn’t want his sister knowing who was the cause of his tears. He trusted her not to tell anyone, but he really didn’t want to deal with her giving him a Lenny face every time she saw Julian looking at Asra. 

“I’ve been sleeping with this guy.” Portia nodded and took a kit kat into her mouth. “And I really like him, but he doesn’t feel the same. He doesn’t even consider us to be friends, just strangers that sometimes fuck. And it sucks because not only does he not feel the same way, we also used to be really close. After he cut me out of his life I haven’t been the same. He was my world and he just crushed me in his fist like it was nothing. Like  _ I _ meant nothing to him.” 

Julian started to cry again and his sister wrapped her arms around Julian. “And now, there’s this guy that’s blackmailing me, saying that he will tell this boy that I like about my feelings if I don’t do what he wants. Just when I thought I was making progress, that he really cared about me, he shattered my heart by telling me that I meant nothing to him.” Julian leaned over to rest his head on her lap and she ran her fingers through his hair to comfort him. “The worst part is that he was my first time. It was really special to me, giving my virginity to him like that, but I don’t think that he realizes how special that moment was to me.”

Portia looked at her brother with sympathy.

“Is the guy that’s blackmailing you Lucio?”

Julian nodded, still not looking up at Portia.

“How’d you know?”

“He told me that he knew that I liked Nadia and ‘warned’ me not to get too close to her. Like geez, he acts like he owns her! She’s her own person who can make her own choices! He also told me that he had someone in his corner, someone that was very close to me.”

Julian nodded.

“I’m sorry Port, I really was planning on helping you with Nadia-”

“It’s okay, really. You have no choice and I get that.”

Julian sat up and gave his sister a hug. He was so grateful for his sister. She was understanding and sympathetic and she was the best sibling Julian could ever ask for. 

“Do you wanna watch Heathers together before we go to bed? I know it’s really late, but if you wanna watch it we can.”

Portia asked.

Portia and Julian used to watch Heathers when they were in middle school together. It was a tradition that had ended after Julian entered high school.

Julian smiled at his sister and took another kit kat into his mouth.

“Sure, I’d really like that.”


	14. Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, ive been having really bad writers block

The next time Julian saw Asra was in his third-period chorus class. 

Julian had no idea what the white-haired male was doing there. He had been dreading seeing Asra but was planning on dealing with him in eighth period, not third.

Mrs. Denler made her way over to her piano and played an E chord on her piano, which was her way of telling the class to settle down and get ready for class.

“Good morning everyone! Today we have a new student.”

Julian felt his blood run cold. He knew that Asra liked to sing, but he had no idea that his ex had any interest in choir. Chorus was Julian’s salvation, he loved singing and getting lost in the music. But having Asra in his class would shatter his bubble of sanctuary.

Asra smiled at the class warmly, but once his eyes met Julian’s, he instantly looked at the ground and seemed to shrink in stature. 

Mrs. Denler continued to talk, but her words seemed to be drowned out by Julian’s thoughts.

After Mrs. Denler introduced Asra, she told the students that they could quietly talk among themselves while she evaluated Asra’s voice to see what his range was. Julian took out his phone and checked his snapchat. To his surprise, he noticed that Asra had sent him a message.

His thumb wavered above the screen. He was debating whether he should open the message or not. After all, Julian had been planning on ignoring the white-haired male, pretending like he didn’t even exist. 

Still, his worse judgment got the best of him and he opened up the message.

Asra: Look, I’m sorry about everything that went down in the past. All that stuff I said was shitty and it’s clear to me now how much it hurt you. I hope you can put the past behind you and focus on the present. Sleeping with you is fun and I know that you’d agree.

Julian stared at the text that was behind the glass on his phone. Of course, he wanted to continue having sex with Asra; but he was afraid of what the aftermath would be. He knew they were not a team, not lovers. Just barely strangers with the same hunger.

Julian: ok

Julian internally screamed at himself when he sent the message. He regretted texting Asra back as soon as his word appeared on the screen.

As the minutes passed, Julian grew more and more agitated. His leg was bouncing up and down and he was chewing his lip until it had started to bleed.

Finally, Asra’s evaluation was over and he was able to respond to Julian’s message.

Asra: Cool, but I need to know something first

Julian: yeah?

Asra: I need to know that there are no feelings involved in this

Julian swallowed hard. His nostrils flared and the breath in his lungs began to burn. He wanted to scream, to shake Asra and to weep. But doing all of that was out of the question.

Julian: ye, no feelings 

Asra: Cool. Wanna come over today? My dad isn’t gonna be home till 6

Julian: sure, see you then

Asra: Cool


	15. Out

Lucio: hey jules

Julian: dont call me that

Lucio: are your parents home this weekend?

Julian: why you wanna know

Lucio: well if they aren’t, throw a party and invite Nadia. you want me in your corner right?

Julian: i don't want you in my corner

Lucio: well if i'm not in your corner then i'm telling asra our little secret

Julian: k fine. ill do the thing.

Julian sighed and got out of the car. He was about to get fucked, he didn’t need to focus on Lucio’s blackmail now. He was young, dumb, and in love and the last thing he needed right now was to have the moment with Arsa ruined by some blonde asshole.

Julian walked up to Arsa’s front door and took a deep breath before his knuckles wrapped on the wood.

Almost instantly Arsa answered the door and took Julian by the hand, leading him inside. Julian blushed as Arsa interlocked his fingers with the ginger’s. The warmth of their pressed palms combined to create a comforting temperature in between the two boys. Arsa and Julian ran up the stairs like children on Christmas day, eager and impatient to open their gifts. 

When they reached Arsa’s room, the white-haired male wasted no time and pushed Julian onto the bed. His hands stripped himself of Julian’s clothes and then his own. 

Arsa crawled onto the bed and pushed Julian back with one hand placed firmly on his chest.

“How do you want me?”

Julian looked up at Arsa with rounded eyes as they shimmered ever so slightly like freshly polished silver jewelry.

Arsa licked his lips and leaned down to whisper into Julian’s ear.

“I want you to be a sobbing mess for me. I want to see you tremble. I want to see your cock wavering, standing straight up as you scream. Can you do that babe?”

Julian’s stomach flopped around when Arsa called him babe. Still, he tried to keep his composure and stay calm.

“I don't know if I feel like complying. You’ll have to make me.”

“Oh?” Arsa cooed. “If you’re gonna act like a little brat I’m going to have to put you in your place, to show you who’s in charge here.”

And with that, Julian’s cock began to stiffen when he saw Arsa grab a condom from under his bed and slip it onto himself. Then, Arsa snapped open a bottle of lube and poured a generous amount onto his member and fingers. 

“Are you okay with this?”

Arsa asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Julian answered.

“Just making sure.”

Arsa smiled as he responded.

Julian smiled back. It was nice to know that Arsa cared about him enough to always ask if he was okay. Though there were no romantic feelings involved in Arsa’s end, it was nice knowing that he was taken care of.

Arsa lifted Julian’s hips off the mattress and pressed his cock against the ginger’s puckered hole. Julian bit his bottom lip to try and stifle a gasp that was about to emerge from his lungs. When Arsa pressed his way inside of the quaking boy beneath him, a sob crawled it’s way out of Julian’s lips. His head knocked back against the pillow that lay underneath him. With each thrust came another whine, and with each whine came another thrust. 

Arsa gasped as Julian flexed around his cock. The smaller male’s moans were high pitched, yet dominant at the same time. Julian clawed at Arsa’s back, his nails digging into the tanned skin and holding onto him for dear life. Arsa let out a moan as he worked his erect member in and out of the quivering boy underneath him. Julian’s mouth began to pool with saliva and his eyes rolled into the back of his skull. 

As the bed creaked, the two boys groaned and cried out as they worked together to summon pleasure. Arsa’s eyes screwed shut as his lips made their way to Julian’s chest while he was still thrusting in and out of him. The shorter male planted tiny kisses on Julian’s skin like he was drawing a treasure map. 

Julian groaned when he felt a sudden wet warmth around his nipple.

“Ahhh- Ar-s-sa I…”

Julian gasped when Arsa gently nibbled the bud of his perked nipple.

“Fuck… Julia-ah... You feel amazing...”

When Asra spoke, Julian could feel his warm breath against his nipple. 

Asra continued to lick Julian, his tongue swirling around his sensitive bud. The smaller male  looked up to observe Julian, only to see a waning crescent moon drowning in a lilac sky. The remains of the sunrise stained the sky with soft pastel purple and pink hues. Julian was covering his mouth as his lower lip trembled. His eyes were half-lidded and fluttering. With every thrust, Julian’s entire body began to quake more and more violently. Asra could see Julian’s expression betray the desire and desperateness he felt. The sight of Julian didn’t fail to turn him on.

“Ah… Asra, this- ah!”

“Shhh…” Asra kissed Julian’s nipple and moved to his neck, placing hickeys all over. “You’re okay.”

Julian’s muscles began to strain, his biceps feeling like they were about to explode. Though he didn’t look it, with his lean stature, Asra was a lot stronger than he appeared. And even though Julian was very strong due to his obsession with the gym, he became weak as soon as he was touched in the right way.

And Asra sure as hell knew how to touch him in the right way.

Julian’s eyes began to tear up and he bit his lower lip in an attempt to stop it from quivering. His hands found Asra’s hips and he clung to them as if he was falling. 

After a while, Julian couldn’t keep his hands over his mouth, keeping himself muffled was way too much effort. He began to scream as his legs spread, beckoning Asra to come deeper. His pulse was rushing, his head was reeling, his face was flushing. A jolt of lightning shot through Julian’s spine and he yelled out in shock. 

Asra slipped his middle and ring finger into Julian’s mouth. Julian took the digits in like he was starving for them. His tongue lapped at the tips of his fingers as he was overcome with a sense of ease. Yet at the same time, Julian was out of his mind. 

Asra began to fuck Julian more ruthlessly, pulling him closer just as the moon pulls the tide. Julian’s eyes quickly opened as a whispered squeak came from deep within his throat. He continued to suck on Asra’s fingers while whimpering. The ginger’s lips were wrapped around Asra’s soft skin and his tongue massaged the undersides of the smaller male’s fingers. Asra took his hand away from Julian’s mouth and moved it down to Julian’s groin.

Both boys were shaking now. And when Asra’s thumb grazed over the slit of Julian’s cock, the taller male began to beg for more.

“Asra I… So close, please…”

Asra smirked down at Julian and pressed his lips together. However, he was way too distracted by Julian’s body to respond with words. All he could do was respond by shoving his dick deeper and deeper into Julian’s hole. 

Julian’s entire body was red and the sound of skin slapping against the skin was music to his ears. Their bodies were unifying, coming together and working together to please both of them. 

Julian was ripened like a fruit on the grapevine. He swelled with juice and was ready to burst with one tender bite. 

“A-Asra right the-ere!”

Julian cried as Asra’s hands swiftly moved up and down the top half of his cock. Julian’s hands were desperately gripping Asra and his back arched up from the mattress. Asra’s thrusts became more sporadic, less rhythmic, more impatient. 

With one last shriek, Julian spilled over with sweetness. His body tensed up as his cum pumped out of his member. Asra gave a few last thrusts inside of the larger male before coming himself. Both boys held onto each other as they came, Julian burying his face into the junction between Arsa’s shoulder and neck, and Asra wrapping his arms around Julian. 

Once they were done, Asra placed Julian back down on the mattress. He then took off the condom and threw it in the wastebasket next to his bed. 

“Do you want anything Iyla? Water? A snack?” 

Julian shook his head and pulled Asra closer to him.

Asra chuckled. 

“Julian, I have to get a towel to clean us up.”

Julian whined but reluctantly let the white-haired male go. 

After a few minutes, Asra returned with a towel in one hand, and a fluffy blanket in the other. Gently, Asra moved between Julian’s legs and wiped him up. After that, he put the used towel in the hamper and then climbed back into bed with Julian, wrapping him like a burrito in the fluffy, purple blanket.

Julian wiggled his arms out of the blanket cocoon and wrapped them around Asra, nuzzling into him and kissing his neck. Asra smiled and held Julian close, closing his eyes and sighing. 

“Asra?”

Julian said, looking up at the smaller male and smiling.

“Yeah, Iyla?”   
“Thank you.”

Asra looked confused as his eyebrows came together.

“For what?”

Julian hid his face in Asra’s chest. 

“For being so kind to me after sex.”

Asra smiled and pecked Julian on the top of his head.

“No problem. Post orgasm is when people are the most sensitive, so it’s kinda the top’s job to take care of the bottom after they come.”

Julian smiled as he pulled Asra closer. Asra wrapped his legs around Julian like a koala and he nuzzled into Julian’s ginger hair. Asra breathed Julian in. He could smell smoke linger on his skin as well as a hint of cherries and honey. Julian smelled bitter and sweet at the same time, the fruit and nectar scent contradicting the smell of cigarettes.

Julian began to trail them along Asra’s collarbone, ghosting over his skin and letting his fingertips whisper against Asra’s chest. Asra began to giggle and pushed Julian’s hand away. Julian cocked an eyebrow and smirked ever so slightly.

“Asra, are you ticklish?”

Asra pressed his lips together and gave Julian a ‘don't you dare’ look.

“Oh my god!” Julian began to laugh. “You are!” 

Before Asra could even open his mouth, Julian continued to tickle Asra, his fingers moving swiftly over Asra’s tanned flesh. Asra began to cackle and kick his legs to get Julian away from him, but Julian just responded with climbing on top of him. 

Julian’s hands trailed down to the white-haired male’s sides, his fingers quickly flexing and curling as Asra squirmed beneath him.

“Hah… Wait- Julian!”

Asra’s limbs were flailing as he attempted to get the taller male off of him. His chest was moving rapidly up and down as his entire body shook. Julian grabbed Asra by the wrists and pinned his hands above his head. Even though Asra was stronger than he looked, he was nowhere near as strong as Julian.

Asra gasped for air and began to tear up as Julian grinned. He found Asra’s ticklish nature to be adorable. And as Asra fought to try and get Julian off of him, Julian moved his hands to Asra’s stomach and began to tickle him there.

“O-okay Iyla! You’ve won!”

Asra squeaked as he spoke through cackles. Julian decided to have mercy on the smaller male and let him go, releasing his wrists from above his head. He looked down at Asra who was trying to catch his breath. When Asra’s heartbeat slowed to a regular pace, he looked up at Julian.

Julian saw a look in Asra’s eyes that he hadn't seen in a while. He saw a green light. Julian looked down at Asra with love in his eyes, but Asra looked up at him with a look of confusion and bliss. 

“Hey.”

Julian said as he adjusted himself on Asra’s lap.

“Hey.”

Asra said as he smiled up at Julian.

And they just stared at each other. They gazed into each other’s eyes for what seemed like a lifetime. There was no place that Julian would have rather been. Julian wanted to kiss Asra, to be allowed to love him. He longed to take the smaller male on dates and hold his hand in public like they did when they were younger. Julian wanted to take him to the movies, to take him to a park, to take him anywhere he wanted. He was stupid in love with Asra.

“What are you thinking about Iyla?”

Julian shrugged, his face turning red. No way he was going to tell Asra what he was really thinking about. 

“Nothing much. You?”

Asra smiled up at Julian, his white hair looking like a messy halo around his head.

“Nothing much.”

Both boys jumped when they heard the front door open downstairs. They ten looked at each other, horror in their eyes.

“Shit!” Asra swore under his breath. “Get your clothes on, now!”

Julian nodded and they both scrambled out of bed, scrambling to get their garments back on their bodies. But before they could do that the door to Asra’s room opened.

“Hey! How was sc-” 

Standing at the door was a shocked looking man, looking like he was in his mid 50’s. He had brown, fluffy, curly hair and glasses. He wore a red button-up shirt with a thick black belt and a pair of jeans. He was a spitting image of Asra. And even though he hadn’t seen Julian on over a year, Asra’s father definitely recognized the ginger boy that was desperately trying to put his jeans on.

“Hi, Mr. Alnazar…” Julian awkwardly murmured, staring back at Asra’s dad in horror. The air was so thick it felt like the room was full of smoke and was about to suffocate them all.

“Um- Hello Julian. I’ll… I think I’m gonna go now…”

And with that, Mr. Alnazar slowly closed the door and Julian and Asra heard his footsteps making their way back downstairs.

Asra exhaled and collapsed onto the bed face down.

“Fuck!”

He screamed into the mattress which muffled his swear.

Julian awkwardly stood there with his pants half on. He didn’t know how to console Asra.

“So… I’m guessing you haven’t come out to your parents yet?”

Julian cleared his throat and put his pants on fully before making his way over to Asra. Asra turned around to look at the taller male, daggers in his eyes.

“What do you think?”

Asra spat back.

Julian reached his hand out to place it on Asra’s shoulder, but Asra just slapped it away.

“I think you should go.” 

Asra’s voice was cold. Although he was angry, Julian knew that it wasn’t supposed to be aimed at him. He knew that Asra didn’t mean to take out his emotions on him.

Julian nodded and made his way to Asra’s bedroom door. He looked back at Asra to see the smaller male curled up in fetal position, facing away from Julian. 

The ginger sighed before he left Asra’s room, leaving Asra alone.


End file.
